Mars One - The Reality

Recall for a moment a few of the delicious pleasures of life...

• Breathing in fresh air
• Walking among the colored leaves of autumn
• Having a good time with friends
• Eating a burger tricked out just the way you like it
• And washing it down with a craft beer
• Browsing in a gift shop
• Visiting one of the national parks
• Going fishing with a buddy
• Going on a date with your significant other
• Visiting family
• Watching the full moon on a clear night
• Feeling the warm sun on your face

I'll stop here. You could easily add a hundred more delights to this list, things we often take for granted. These are a few of the things that the people who journey to Mars to establish a colony will never experience again.

It's one thing to consider this conceptually. It will be another thing entirely to experience these deprivations on a daily basis. Instead of breathing the autumn air, breathing stale air tainted with the stink of the crew and Mars dust. Instead of drinking a glass of cold, clear water, drinking water recycled from your own urine. And on and on.

Astronauts - International Space Station

Hundreds of thousands of people have applied to participate in a project called "Mars One," a private enterprise to establish a permanent human settlement on Mars. The main thing, however, is that Mars One will produce a reality TV show of the journey and what they do to create a settlement on Mars - if they make it to the surface. The idea is to go in crews of four starting in 2024. They say the technology can only get them there. That's why it's called Mars One - one way.

REALITY: Most of the technology needed to get them there doesn't exist yet. In 2015, the venture to establish a small settlement on Mars is not only science fiction, it's speculative science fiction.

By the way, the organizers and promoters of Mars One have no intention whatsoever of going to Mars themselves.

Still, there's an amazing amount of interest among the general public. This brief video documents the thoughts of five hopeful Mars One space travelers as they contemplate leaving planet Earth forever for a new home on Mars.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't board a spacecraft with any of these "hopefuls." One says the journey would "give me another purpose for living." I wouldn't want to risk my life in close quarters with a young dude who is still searching for his purpose in life. Another volunteer described himself as "a turd in the toilet bowl of life." Okay...you get the idea.

To be kind, I can only say that these people must be thinking about some sci-fi movie they once watched. They seem utterly clueless about what wold be involved in space travel. All the well-publicized challenges and dangers aside, there is the rarely mentioned issue of months of weightlessness and Mars' low gravity and how this will cause bone and muscle loss over time. Or the onslaught of solar radiation and cosmic radiation. The problem of shielding people in the spacecraft has not been solved.

And on Mars' surface, there's no planetary electromagnetic field or a rich atmosphere (as there is on Earth) to protect people on the surface. And finally, there's the psychological impact of being deprived of all those cool things we sometimes hold dear and sometimes take for granted. Once the longing and regret become intense and persistent, there will be nothing they can do about it. I'm sure the star-struck volunteers are thinking about something else than the realities of space travel.

The question is, will watching things unravel onboard or on the surface make for good reality TV? The promoters of Mars One are betting it will.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2014. Building Personal Strength .

Baby Kitty Inspires Awe

Photo by Kathleen Scott, 2013

Here's a photo of Alexa (aka "Baby Girl") rough-housing with her brother Ernest, who was four times as large as she at the time. Baby Girl has lots of toys, but her big brother is her favorite. When they get into it, it looks pretty vicious, but no one ever gets hurt. Ernest will growl when he's had enough, and she backs off.

Then she comes back for more. The cycle could go on for an hour.

It's inspiring to see how this tiny kitten shows no self-doubt or indecision. Upon reflection, I have to admit that those behaviors are characteristics of humans, not cats. It takes special human intelligence to make self-doubt and indecision a part of one's behavior.

I'm not the first person to think, "You can learn a lot from cats."

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

Strong, Healthy Self-Esteem - Not Over-Rated

In another post, I expressed the idea that even if you never get caught, you would always know you did the wrong thing and the presence of this fact in your memory would "tear down your self-esteem."

A cynical person might say, "So what? Self-esteem is over-rated."

But a low opinion of yourself can set you up for failure, because it can cause you to:

• Feel ashamed and unsure of yourself because of past misdeeds, shortcomings, issues, and failures
• Compare yourself to others who have more character strength and success, which making you feel inadequate
• Feel anger towards stronger, more gifted or accomplished people
• Interpret advice, suggestions and input as criticisms and put-downs
• Don’t appreciate your good qualities or give yourself credit for your accomplishments
• Habitually criticize yourself and put yourself down
• Feel unattractive, unlikable, unlovable and undesirable
• Feel unworthy of relationships with people who have high self-esteem
• Tend to repel strong, capable people, who are put off by manifestations of low self-esteem
• Be more comfortable associating with other people with low self-esteem, who are more likely to contribute to your failure than to your success
• Be vulnerable to peer pressure, because being excluded is painful
• Exaggerate or lie about accomplishments to compensate for inadequacies, shortcomings, issues, mistakes, and failures
• Have a pattern of self-deception and self-loathing
• Feel unworthy of success, and so you don’t seek or welcome new challenges and opportunities
• Are likely to abuse alcohol or drugs to medicate the pain of failure, self-loathing and exclusion

You can see how insidious low self-esteem can be. No, strong, healthy self-esteem is not over-rated.











Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

Why You Should Always Do the Right Thing, Even When No One But You Will Ever Know the Difference

Have you been around the block a few times?

Then you know how hard it is to get along in the world. Life has a way of challenging you on a regular basis. You end up having to make hard decisions and do hard things. I've known people who preferred to look for an easy way out; and if they saw one, they took it, seemingly oblivious to the consequences.

As I write this, I’m in my seventh decade of life. And here’s something I've learned: if you do something you know you shouldn't do, it’s very, very hard to avoid the consequences.

It’s amazing how this works. Cause and effect rule, and the consequences roll in. Other people eventually find out. You might lose respect, trust, friendship, support, or money. You might even go to jail.

On the other hand, sometimes misdeeds go undiscovered. But the odds are heavily stacked against you.

Here’s the deal: Even if no one ever finds out what you did, in an important sense you’ll never get away with it. Because you can never hide the truth from yourself. You’ll know what you did.

Why is this a big deal?

Take a telling a lie. Lies are hard to cover up. It takes more effort than you might think to cover your tracks and keep a lie from being discovered. But even if no one ever finds out, you know that instead of being strong and facing up to the truth, you were weak and hid behind the lie. Somewhere in your brain is this truth: I’m someone who lied. I wasn't strong enough to tell the truth. I’m a dishonest person.

You may not like these thoughts, and you may try to dismiss them. But you can't delete them. They'll always be stored somewhere in the database of your memory.

And they will tear down your self-esteem.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

Remembering Two Heroes - One Long Dead, One Alive

One of the themes that runs through most of the blog posts here is this: Life is challenging, and it takes a strong person to do the hard things.

Recently I spent time remembering my time in Vietnam. The vast majority of my West Point classmates served in combat there. They faced challenges that most people can't even imagine. They had to do hard things.

I served in an area of Vietnam known as III Corps, which is the central part of that country. I wasn't assigned to an American combat unit. I commanded a mobile advisory team. Our job was to upgrade the combat capabilities of the Vietnamese Regional Force and Popular Force units around the town of Cu Chi. We lived and worked in the same villages where these soldiers lived.

I remember advising a Vietnamese captain and his unit one day on a mission to engage a Viet Cong unit that was known to be in our area. Sure enough, when we arrived at the location, we were taken under fire. The enemy was in a grove of trees on the other side of a swamp. I decided that the best way to engage them was with a gunship. I contacted the operation center by radio and requested air support.

AH-1 Cobra attack helicopter

About fifteen minutes later, the aircraft arrived. It was an AH-1 Cobra attack helicopter. I marked my position with a smoke grenade and gave the pilot a vector to the enemy location. He fired several rockets and his minigun into the area. This effectively silenced the Viet Cong's attack on us.

I didn't know it then, but two of my West Point classmates were serving as Cobra gunship pilots in Vietnam at the time I was there.

Richard C. Hulse

One was Rich Hulse. Rich and I were friends all four years at West Point. We saw each other nearly every day and attended many classes together. The sad thing about Rich was that during his final month, just before graduation, he admitted to the authorities that he had gotten married. On the one hand, I found it hard to believe that he couldn't wait until after graduation to marry his sweetheart. Cadets aren't allowed to be married, and they have to sign a statement that they aren't married each time they return from a pass or leave. Rich didn't want to lie about it; he didn't want to violate the Honor Code. So he turned himself in, and they dismissed him from the Academy just days before graduation. So he didn't graduate with us. It was tragic.

But I respected him for having the strength of character to do the right thing. It cost him his degree and his Regular Army commission, after all those difficult years. But he kept his honor.

He became an enlisted soldier, but was soon accepted into Officer Candidate School and became an Army Reserve second lieutenant. Then he went to flight school and learned to fly the Cobra. Soon afterward, he was sent to Vietnam.

In 1970 his aircraft was shot down and he was killed in the crash. Rich Hulse was a man of character and courage. He did hard things and gave his life in service to our country, and I think of him as a hero.

The other classmate who flew Cobra gunships while I was there was Woody Spring. Woody and I knew each other as cadets. He competed on the varsity gymnastics team. He went to Vietnam right after graduation, serving in the 101st Airborne Division. Then he went to flight school and served a second tour in Vietnam as a Cobra pilot.

Sherwood (Woody) Spring

This was a side of Woody that I didn't know. He was fearless. Looking back on my combat experience I believe the most heroic among us were the helicopter pilots. Whether gunship pilots or medical evacuation pilots, their job was to show up at the most dangerous moments. No matter what was happening on the ground, they came through for us. All these pilots were amazing heroes.

Woody survived his tour and eventually got trained as a test pilot. Amazingly, after that he was accepted into the NASA astronaut program. In 1985 he rode the space shuttle into earth orbit, where he launched three satellites during 12 hours of EVA space walks.

So Woody did a lot of hard things, too. He's another of my heroes.

Since graduation in 1967, our life journeys have diverged considerably and I never saw either Rich or Woody again, even though unknown to any of us we were busy fighting the Viet Cong at roughly the same time during 1969-1970 in Vietnam.

Today, there are young people who are still doing hard things and getting stronger for it. They'll be the achievers and leaders of the future. Some of them may even become true heroes.

However, in deference to the truth, most kids these days are involved in escapist activities and nonsense, being cool, and taking the easy way out whenever possible. They have no clue what honor is. It's hard to say what their life journeys will be like.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

12 Great Quotes about Character Strength

QUESTION: What can you do in life that is super-easy and super-safe and super-quick that will reward you with great fulfillment?

ANSWER: Well, how about pulling yourself away from your video screen, looking up and mindfully appreciating the people and the marvels of the natural world around you?

That's a biggie, but beyond that I can't think of a thing. Almost everything else worth having in life requires a huge commitment, effort and overcoming adversity.

In short, exercising character strength, or what I call personal strength. And you get stronger as a person by exercising various forms of character strength. Not just by reading about it. And not just by valuing it. You can feel inspired by these, but you have to take the next step. You have to actually be strong when the situation calls for it. It's like physical strength. Like a muscle. You get more muscle by exercising the muscle.

Inspiration can be the first step. I find these quotes to be particularly inspiring...

"It's not the honors and not the titles and not the power that is of ultimate importance. It's what resides inside." - Fred Rogers, American TV host (1928-2003)


"The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul." - David O. McKay, American religious leader (1873-1970)


"What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens." - Thaddeus Golas, American author (1924-1997)

"Anyone can have a good day. The question is what do you do on a bad day. That's when you're being tested. In a very tangible sense, a bad day shows your innermost essence more than a good day." - Arthur Golden, American novelist (1956- )

“We must take care to live not merely a long life, but a full one; for living a long life requires only good fortune, but living a full life requires character." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman playwright (B.C. 4 - A.D. 65)

"Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties that are out of the ordinary as well." - Brian Tracy, American author (1944- )


“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain, American novelist (1835-1910)

“Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is who you really are while your reputation is merely what others think of you.” - John Wooden, American college basketball coach (1910-2010)

"You have to ‘be’ before you can ‘do,’ and do before you can ‘have.’” - Zig Ziglar, American author (1926-2012)

“Success is not measured by heights attained but by obstacles overcome. We're going to pass through many obstacles in our lives: good days, bad days. But the successful person will overcome those obstacles and constantly move forward.” - Bruce Jenner, American Olympic track champion (1954- )

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict." - William Ellery Channing, American clergyman (1780-1842)

"Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it." - Dalai Lama, Tibetan religious leader (1935- )

Inspired? Then take the next step. Find a way to apply that inspiration in your life, then follow through.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

20 Favorite Quotes from Stephen R. Covey (1932-2012)

Stephen R. Covey

The man is gone, but we still have his wisdom.

Back in 1989, I guess I was one of the first of the millions of people who bought and read Stephen Covey's classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. As I began reading, my first thought was: Only seven?

But I discovered that he was really writing about the full range of personal strengths. He wrote to help people grow stronger as human beings. And he did it so well that even managers and employers purchased the book for their employees, and the book became an all-time best-seller. Probably it will never, ever be out of print.

The most thorough student of personal development who ever lived, what he wrote always rang true, because it was true. And he shared his wisdom in a way that made it stick in the mind, so today as I browse through my collection of favorite Stephen Covey quotes, I see that I have over 40. Here are my top favorites. 

Covey on self-development...

“Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education.”

“If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control - myself.

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to do is really not to know.”

"We are limited but we can push back the borders of our limitations."

If you've read any of his books, you know that what he was trying to do was to help people get their act together - so they'd be able to work on the important things first and get them done. But in doing that, he had a lot to say about character, values and the principled life, because you have to be strong as a person to do the hard things involved in achievement.

Covey on character...  

"Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character."

“Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.”

Covey on accountability...

"It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize."

"Accountability breeds response-ability."

“We are free to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences of these actions.

“You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into!”

“My behavior is a product of my own conscious choices based on principles, rather than a product of my conditions, based on feelings.

More favorites...

COMPASSION - “How you treat the one reveals how you regard the many, because everyone is ultimately a one.”

CREATIVITY - "Live out of your imagination, not your history."

DECISIVENESS - "We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice."

FOCUS - “Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.”

OPEN-MINDEDNESS - "Seek first to understand and then to be understood."

PASSION - “Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.”

PROACTIVITY - “Start with the end in mind.”

SELF-DISCIPLINE - "It's easy to say 'no!' when there's a deeper 'yes!' burning inside."

TRUST - “Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

VISION - “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Do they ring true? Pass them along to the people you care about...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2012. Building Personal Strength .

2012 NBA Draft - High Character Players vs. the Knuckleheads

Evidence that I'm an extreme basketball fan is that I watched the 2012 NBA Draft on ESPN, instead of finding some other way to enjoy myself.

Bradley Beal

One remarkable thing I noticed was a consistent theme expressed by many of the announcers who were there to add interest to the proceedings. When Bradley Beal of Florida was picked No. 3 in the first round, the talking heads said he was a great shooter who would help the Washington Wizards spread the floor for their star point guard, John Wall.

They also said that while he isn't an elite athlete, he's a humble, hardworking player who has a high basketball IQ, a "high character type of guy who would make a difference in the locker room."

They went on to say that in recent times the Washington Wizards have been trying to get rid of its "knucklehead problem." Stung by having to deal with talented players whose immature behavior created problems for the team, they traded away problem players like Gilbert Arenas, Andray Blatche, Nick Young and JaVale McGee. And on draft night they added Bradley Beal.

According to sportswriter Paul Mirengoff, "The word knucklehead has enjoyed a revival lately. Even President Obama has used it – to describe people who would take a bullet for him, but who made serious errors of judgment in Colombia. Usually, though, the term is used by sportswriters to refer to talented players whose immaturity undermines their play and, more importantly, that of their team. Such players – even one of them if he’s central enough – can destroy a team."

Knuckleheads, trouble-makers, immature players whose personal weaknesses cause trouble, create distractions and poison the locker room.

High-character guys, leaders, mature players whose personal strengths help the team come together.

As other players were picked, many of them were also referred to as "high character type players."

It was heartening to hear the sports media talk about personal strength this way. A good sign. Seemingly, owners aren't just looking at talent. They're evaluating the whole package, putting weight on how strong the player is as a person. Maybe guys like Miami Heat's Shane Battier, who doesn't fill the stat sheet but who's made every team he's played for better, will get more respect and recognition.

Apparently the NFL has been burned by their own player knuckleheads so often that now they're proactively giving intense "life skill" briefings to new rookie players. It's called the NFL Rookie Symposium, and high-profile reformed knuckleheads such as Michael Vick, Adam "Pacman" Jones, and Terrell Owens are bearing witness. 

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2012. Building Personal Strength .

Schadenfreude - A West Point Memory

In 1967 I got my undergraduate degree in general engineering from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. My four years there were an amazing experience. Getting the chance to go there was one of the luckiest things that ever happened to me. 846 of us arrived there in 1963, and at the end 583 classmates graduated and were commission as second lieutenants in the Regular Army. Most of us served in Vietnam, and 30 of us did not return.

The story of our time at West Point and our service in Vietnam is told in a recently released documentary, "In Harm's Way." It's a well-balanced, extremely well-done production, although the DVD isn't available to the public yet. Watching that DVD brought back a lot of old memories - some of them unpleasant.

One bad memory popped into my head for the first time since graduation. It happened in the fall of my freshman (plebe) year. One evening after a parade, an upperclassman in my company stopped me as I was going to my room. His name was Al Randall (not his real name).

"Hey Coates!" he shouted at me.

I immediately came to a halt and stood at attention. I wondered if I had done something wrong. "Yessir!"

"Come here, I want you to meet someone. It's my date."

Alarm bells went off. Why this surly upperclassman would want to introduce me to his date was beyond me. I could think of no good reason and figured I was in for a ton of trouble. But I followed him outside, and I soon found out why he wanted me to meet her. She was Jane Steele, one of my high school classmates. I thought it was amazing that we could leave Ludwigsburg American High School (in Germany) in May and see each other again at West Point in September. It was a nice surprise. Maybe Al Randall wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"Fall out, mister. Relax. You're with friends for now," Al said. This meant I had his permission not to stand at attention. I asked Jane how she was doing and where she was going to school. After some small talk, Al said, "Well, Mr. Coates, I know you've got things to do. Time to say goodbye."

And that was that. I counted that as one of the many surprises that happened to me during that first year. The next surprise happened after supper that night. Al Randall stopped me in the barracks area as I walked back to my room.

"You seemed to be having a good time talking to my girlfriend," he said.

"Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir. I mean it was good to see a high school classmate again."

"I bet. She said a lot of good things about you. Did you ever get it on with her?"

"No, sir. We never dated. We were just acquaintances. I didn't know her very well, sir."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No, sir!"

"It looked to me like you were trying to snake her away from me."

Oh, man, I could see I was in big trouble now. "No, sir."

"Well, I tell you what. I don't think you're being straight with me. I want you to report to my room at nineteen-thirty hours in full dress gray, ready for inspection. Do you understand?"

"Yessir."

"Now post!" I did an about face and marched back to my room. I did everything I could to pass his inspection, but of course it wasn't good enough. That night I learned a little more about hazing than I wanted to. I concluded that he was a sadistic person and throughout my first year I did my best to steer clear of him. But our paths crossed a few more times, and each time he made me report to his room. These visits always resulted in humiliation and demerits and I ended up walking punishment tours on more than a few weekends.

After that first year, I forgot about Al Randall. As sophomores, my classmates were accepted as upperclassmen. I was beyond his reach.

But the spring of my junior year, when Al Randall was a senior and only a couple weeks before graduation, I learned that he had been dismissed from the Academy for cheating on an exam.

I never had to get my revenge. He did it to himself, which is what usually happens. Because of his low character he survived four years at West Point only to be kicked out before he could graduate.

At that moment, I experienced a moment of intense joy that I later learned was called schadenfreude, (pronounced SHAW-den-froi-duh) derived from a German word that means "taking pleasure in the misfortune of others." I'm not sure if I ever experienced that unique kind of joy again at any time during the next 45 years. But watching "In Harm's Way" brought that memory back. It was an amazing time to be alive at an amazing place.

I wondered whatever happened to Al. In my fantasy he became a police officer in a small town, where he could use his authority to make life miserable for people who had broken the law or who he suspected were capable of breaking the law. Don't worry, I'm not going to Google him to find out. No doubt there are lots of guys his age named Al Randall, and some of them are probably good, decent people.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2012. Building Personal Strength .

Kim Kardashian - Her Made-For-Reality-TV Life

Kim Kardashian

NBA player Kris Humphries' wife Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce. You may have read the report. On the other hand, maybe you didn't. After all, as a cast member of a "reality TV" show, she's one of those people who's famous for being famous, not because of any talent for performing. She's famous for letting cameras record her outrageous off-the-wall behavior. Filing for divorce after only 10 weeks of marriage - that's pretty off-the-wall. And not telling your hubby about it, letting him find out by reading about it - that's pretty off-the-wall, too.

It's the kind of thing that makes you wonder...what's behind this celebrity weirdness? Here are three theories. Which one do you think is the truth?

A. Humphries is a good guy, but Kardashian is a hard-core flake. As a teenager, she relied on her beauty to get by. She didn't exercise strong judgment during the years when the part of her brain that does critical thinking was under construction. Now that the developmental window is closed, it's too late.

B. Humphries is a jerk. As a big tough guy famous for defense on the New Jersey Nets, he handled her the same way. Kardashian didn't find out who he really is until after the wedding, probably because she married him on impulse, not because she thought it through carefully (see A).

C. Kardashian is smarter than she seems. She cynically planned it all for publicity - both the marriage and the divorce filing. All this juicy stuff keeps her in the media. More celebrity based on celebrity.

I didn't list the theory that she's divorcing to sell the rights to the publicity. They did, after all, collect millions for the rights to publicize the wedding, and this was arranged in advance. But to deliberately divorce for the same reason? Too unthinkable!

But I prefer A, because I tend to evaluate bizarre behavior through the lens of teen development. But whether you picked A, B, or C, Kim Kardashian doesn't come off well. My prediction - even though the public loves a train wreck, you can't feed off negative publicity forever. Her star will fall and in a few years no one will remember her name.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength . 2011 photo by Glenn Francis, used with permission under Wikimedia Creative Commons license.

Why Grow Strong Character? - 15 Quotes

Often when writing from this blog I refer to an important concept I call personal strength. If the voice in your head is saying, "What's he talking about?" here's some background...
Check this...
And this...

But if the voice in your head is saying, "Why should I be concerned?" here are some voices from the span of time...

"As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed." - Vincent Van Gogh, Dutch painter (1853-90)

“Every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character, and what one has done in the secret chamber has some day to cry aloud on the housetops.” - Oscar Wilde, British playwright (1854-1900)

“Character building begins in our infancy and continues until death.” - Eleanor Roosevelt, American diplomat (1884-1962)

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger, American actor (1947- )

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates." - Thomas Szasz, American psychiatrist (1920- )

“The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties…great necessities call out great virtues.” - Abigail Adams, American first lady (1744-1818)

“Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.” - Stephen Covey, American author (1932- )

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me….You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." - Walt Disney, American movie producer (1901-1966)

"There are always those times when you're going to be down, it's how you step through it that makes you the person you are.'' - Mike Krzyzewski, American college basketball coach (1947- )

"The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment." - Anthony Robbins, American author (1960- )

“The highest reward for a man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes of it." - John Ruskin, British author (1819-1900)

“The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life – mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical.” - Julius Erving, American professional basketball player (1950- )

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, American novelist (1899-1961)

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” - Peter Marshall, British clergyman (1902-1949)

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength . (Permission to use image purchased from istockphoto.com)

When It Comes to Winning, What Matters Most Is Heart

As I write this post, my favorite college basketball team, the Duke Blue Devils, are warming up for their first game in the 2011 NCAA men's basketball tournament. You may remember that Duke had an improbable run through the tournament last year and won it all. I'm still on a high about that. They weren't the best team in the tournament, but they played with so much heart in every game that they outlasted all six of their opponents.

Nolan Smith & Coach K

This year, the Duke team has much more talent. At least five players on the team will eventually have NBA careers. One is Kyrie Irving, the top freshman in America and is ranked third pick in the NBA mock drafts. One is senior Kyle Singler, who does it all for 40 hard minutes every game, last year's NCAA tournament MVP. Another is senior Nolan Smith, first-string All-American, ACC Player of the Year and winner of several national player of the year honors. And deadly 3-point shooter Seth Curry, younger brother of Stephen Curry, star NBA point guard. Duke also has three talented "bigs" at 6' 10" and taller. One of these, Ryan Kelly, has a super-high work ethic and basketball IQ and a sweet 3-point shot. Then there's Andre Dawkins, a lights-out 3-point shooter. And there's more talent on the bench. So Duke is balanced, big, talented, athletic, experienced and deep. And they know how to play lock-down team defense. They have what it takes to beat every team they will face and win it all.

But will they?

As I've said before, it all depends on whether they come to each game wanting it more than their opponent. It turns out that the crucial factor in winning is none of the things I've already mentioned. It's between the ears. Duke will have to play more ferociously than the other team to win. It will have to bring heart.

That's the way it is in the NCAA tournament. It's a simple fact, and yet it amazes me that some of the big teams don't get it. They show up thinking they can just run their plays and win. On the first day of the tournament, favored teams Louisville and Vanderbilt lost to Morehead State and Richmond, respectively. And Kentucky beat Princeton by only 2 at the last second. Amazing.

I'm hoping that Duke "gets it" this year, too. In years past, I've seen super-talented Duke teams lose to much lower-ranked teams. They just didn't believe they could lose to an inferior team. But the other team played their hearts out, and that's why Duke lost and went home to watch the rest of the tournament on TV.

I'll be rooting for Duke to play with maximum intensity against lowly Hampton University, even though no 16th seeded team has ever beaten a No. 1 seeded team in the history of the tournament. Today my team plays during work hours. So yes, I'll be one of those millions of employees who is robbing his organization of productivity. Sorry about that. But a Duke fan's gotta do what a Duke fan's gotta do.

On the bright side, I may be so impressed with Duke's desire and intensity that it will inspire me to attack my own projects with the same high levels of energy - which would more than make up for the lost hours.

Can I write with the same drive and purpose that winning teams deliver for 40 minutes? Yes, I can! This is how people achieve something wonderful.

But will I? Will you?

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength .

A Time for Strength - Weddings and Family Calamities

As I carried food from the great big refrigerator in our kitchen to our spill-over refrigerator in the garage, I thought: Maybe this is the Surprise of the Week.

In the middle of the afternoon, the fridge just stopped working. We called the Maytag guy and started cleaning the inside of the refrigerator. While making dinner. And getting ready for house guests. A great opportunity for complaining and fretting. But we didn't complain or fret. We just took care of business, one task at a time. She washed and I wiped. I thought, these are the personal strengths that are important right now - acceptance, decisiveness, initiative, composure, patience, and cooperation.

Something always happens, right? You never know what it's going to be. Some problem. Some challenge. Some calamity. Some crisis. Every day, dealing with issues here and there. And then, about once a week, something major. Par for the course. Deal with it.

I think about this kind of thing when I go to weddings. I once knew a guy who spent $2 million on his daughter's wedding. He wanted to get them started right. A great wedding doesn't do one damn thing to help a young couple get started right. None of this hoopla and ceremony and partying will help one tiny bit when the calamities and surprises start rolling in on a regular basis. When that happens, the only thing that matters is personal strength. If you want to get your married life off to a good start, what matters is choosing well.

What counts is when a whole lot of years later in the middle of a family crisis your spouse looks over at you, grins and says, "We make a good team."

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

"Leader Skills Are NOT Enough" - Effective Leadership Video #3

It is often said of leaders, "It's not just what you can do, it's who you are."

Of course, nobody has any idea "who you are" until you demonstrate that in your actions every day. So like leadership skills, character traits and good qualities have no significance until they are made visible in your dealings with people.

In this video, which is the third in a series of eight interviews conducted by Meredith Bell, I affirm that leadership skills aren't enough to make you an effective leader. You need to engage quite a few personal strengths on a regular basis.
 

In case you missed Videos #1 and #2...

#1 - 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 - Why People Usually DON'T Give Their Best Effort

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Peter Ralston - Honesty As a Spiritual Practice

Last year I shared this video featuring Peter Ralston, the founder of the Cheng Hsin School of Internal Martial Arts and Center for Ontological Research. Check out his remarkable biography.

We think of honesty as representing the truth in our words and actions - telling the truth. Peter Ralston expands this perspective, explaining that honesty can be a way achieving personal spirituality...



Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Basketball Coaching Legend John Wooden (1910-2010)

John Wooden was one of those few people who earned the right to be called a legend during his own lifetime. He nurtured the growth of athletes, teams, other coaches and the game of basketball. He recently passed away at the age of 99, but his presence will continue to be felt, as before.

In a recent issue of "ESPN the Magazine," Rick Reilly wrote about his visit with Wooden. "His Presidential Medal of Freedom hangs next to one from the local YMCA....His letter from Mother Teresa hangs near his great-grandaughter's report card....I like going to Wooden's house for the same reason people like going to church: It makes me want to be a better man."

I've read more than 200 books on leadership, but I have to say that my Number One All-time Favorite is Wooden on Leadership: How to Create a Winning Organization, by legendary basketball coach John Wooden. His credentials: 10 NCAA National Championships in 12 years, an accomplishment that will probably never be equaled.

Whenever Wooden wrote or spoke, he communicated truths that matter. Here are some of my favorites. As I read them, it's easy to imagine him saying these things to individual athletes he was consciously developing into men. His words had power because you knew he lived by them himself.

On CHARACTER - “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is who you really are while your reputation is merely what others think of you.”

On DECISIVENESS -  "In the end, the choice you make makes you."

On EFFORT - "Personal greatness is not determined by the size of the job, but by the size of the effort one puts into the job."

On LEADERSHIP - "There is no more powerful leadership tool than your own personal example."

On LEADERSHIP - "A leader has a simple mission: to get those under his supervision to consistently perform at their peak level in ways that benefit the team."

On EXCELLENCE - "High performance and production are achieved only through the identification and perfection of small but relevant details - little things done well."

On INTEGRITY - "When you say you'll do it, do it. Don't give your word unless you intend to keep it."

On OPEN-MINDEDNESS - "Surround yourself with people strong enough to change your mind."

On SELF-AWARENESS - "All you need is the will to look hard enough within."

On SELF-DEVELOPMENT -  “It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

On SELF-DEVELOPMENT - "Don't look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That's the only way it happens — and when it happens, it lasts."

On SELF-ESTEEM -  "Don't worry about being better than someone else, but never cease trying to be the best you can become."

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Character Counts: The Six Pillars

The healthy human brain can hold no more than 6 or 7 pieces of information at a time in short term memory. Yes, it's a limitation. That's the reason phone numbers, which have 10 digits, are presented in three chunks, as in 278-555-9012. But this limitation exists for a reason. If there were no limit to conscious awareness, the working brain would  be overwhelmed with input. It couldn't think.

Maybe that's why Josephson gave his character model only six pillars. Because of course there are dozens of distinct character strengths, not just six. Wisely, he enriches his model by relating each of the "pillars" to several concepts. 

This is especially helpful, because his model was constructed for kids as a centerpiece of his Character Counts movement, which many communities have adopted to help young people become conscious of the importance of character.

My passionate interest is what I call "personal strength," which is strongly related to character strength. A good deal of what I include in this concept is what Josephson and others refer to as character.

Watch this short video to get an idea of what the six pillars are all about...



The Josephson Institute believes you can teach character to people in the classroom. They've developed standard curricula for adoption by schools and communities.

Character counts when it is manifested in behavior. And not much of what is presented in a classroom is ever translated to behavior. Behavior patterns are learned through consistent application in the real world. Follow-up role modeling, coaching and encouragement are what count in character development.

Nevertheless, you can raise awareness in the classroom. You can introduce concepts. For kids, this is probably a great way to start. If you're interested, you can visit the Character Counts website.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

The Personal Strength of Perseverance - Mark Victor Hansen Talks about "Chicken Soup for the Soul"

The manuscript for the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book, co-authored by Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, was rejected by 123 publishers before a small press decided to take a chance. It's amazing that so many publishers didn't see the appeal of the book. And it's amazing that the authors persisted! To date, the Chicken Soup book series has sold more than 150 million books. It's an inspiring story of perseverance, and you'll enjoy hearing about it from Mark Victor Hansen himself.

Habits That Threaten Your Health - Do You Have the Commitment to Change?

I’ve written here and elsewhere about how hard it is to break a habit and establish new behavior patterns. This is particularly true when it comes to changing health habits, like losing weight and quitting smoking. For example, two-thirds of Americans are overweight, a condition that endangers their health. It’s revealing to discover why in spite of the health risks, so many people don’t do anything about it.

Twenty-five years ago, psychologists James O. Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente wanted to know why overweight people, alcoholics, smokers and others had such a hard time changing their health habits, even when their health was in danger. The answer was simple. A change like that means altering lifelong patterns that are reinforced by powerful needs. That kind of change requires a lot of commitment. You have to be psychologically ready for it, and many people aren’t.

Based on their research, they developed what has come to be known as the "Transtheoretical Model of Change," which is now widely used in health behavior change programs. The model describes five stages of readiness. 

Stage 1 - Precontemplation. You’re in denial. Even if you have a serious health problem, you don’t believe it and you resist any information that contradicts your belief. You may not appreciate how grave the consequences really are, or you may have already tried to change and have given up. Whatever the reason, at this point you have no commitment to change.

Stage 2 - Contemplation. You recognize that you have a problem, and now you’re concerned enough about your health that your commitment to change is growing. You’d like to make a change sometime in the future, and you’ve started learning more about your condition. You’re weighing the costs of change, but at this point you haven’t made up your mind.

Stage 3 - Preparation. Maybe your habit has started to cause problems, or maybe your doctor scared you with straight talk. Your commitment is now strong enough that you’ve taken preliminary steps such as seeing a doctor, setting goals, checking out your options and deciding what you want to do. You plan to start a serious program in the very near future.

Stage 4 - Action. You’re fully committed and carrying out your program to create new health habits. You monitor your progress and continue working towards your goal. When you have setbacks, you deal with them, make adjustments and get back on track.

Stage 5 - Maintenance. You have already achieved your goal. You’re committed to making the change permanent. As you continue making a conscious effort to establish new health habits, you gain confidence and have fewer setbacks.

 It also illustrates that a setback doesn’t mean failure, but is rather a predictable part of the process. You can get back on track and keep moving forward until you have enough commitment to succeed.  

And it aligns nicely with Maslow's model of behavior change. The "Precontemplation" stage is equivalent to "unconscious incompetence"...you don't know that you need to change. "Contemplation" and "Preparation" relate to "conscious incompetence"...you know you have a problem, but you haven't started the work on it yet. The fourth stage, "Action" is the same as "conscious competence," in which you're actively applying the new behavior pattern, but it hasn't become an automatic behavior pattern yet. That happens in the final stage, "Maintenance," is parallel with unconscious competence," in which you enjoy the new behavior pattern and refine it throughout life.

Both models affirm that changing a health habit takes a lot of work, and being able to assess your level of commitment helps people determine whether they're ready for something like this. They can what it will take to move forward. It helps people appreciate that changing a health habit is a journey, not a single event. 


Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use the above photo purchased from istockphoto.com)

The Personal Strength of Optimism - I Can See Clearly Now...

Optimism is the ability to achieve a balanced perspective in spite of having to deal with adversity—to see the upsides along with the downsides, the advantages along with the disadvantages, the opportunities along with the challenges. I love this song because I thrilled to it in my youth, and it inspires such a wonderful spirit of optimism.



I know you have to deal with challenges all the time. It seems to be part of what's involved in having a life and pursuing dreams. And the the more we dream, it seems the more we experience mistakes, frustrations, failure and loss.

But don't let this blind you to your strengths, your resources, your relationships, your knowledge and skills, the opportunities out there waiting for you to pursue them, the simple pleasures of your life. When adversity visits again, let your negative reaction dissipate, and take another good look at what you have going for you. See it clearly.