3 Signs of a Healthy Team

Is your group a strong, healthy team? In this guest post, some insights from Quinn McDowell, a writer who knows a lot about teams.

Truth-Telling

The key to any healthy relationship is the ability to communicate clearly and effectively. Teams are a complex web of relationships that must be nurtured and developed. Nothing undermines team chemistry more than deceit and dishonesty. A good coach understands they must communicate on three unique levels: with their team, their players, and the player’s parents. There are literally hundreds of different relationships when you take into account these various levels; players to players, coach to players, players to parents, parents to parents, and coach to parents. These subsets of communication have a huge contribution to the overall culture of the team.

The coach is the most important cog in this communication vortex. Coaches must maintain consistency across this spectrum by setting clear expectations and making a habit of telling the truth. “Truth-telling” often requires the courage to present the reality of difficult situations; although difficult at times, honesty is always the best policy when dealing with tough issues like playing time, tryouts, a players role on the team, etc. Players and parents can choose to disagree with content of the coach’s communication, but if the coach has reliably communicated the truth with all parties involved, then his/her credibility will remain intact and team culture will remain healthy.

Transparency

A counterfeit will always be exposed. Coaches, players, and parents owe a level of transparency to one another when they make the decision to function as a team. One example of how transparency can undermine trust is when I was part of a team where the coach told us that our captains would be selected by a team vote. After the votes were counted and the captain was named, it was clear that the coach had already decided who was going to be captain and the votes had little input into the decision. The problem is not that coaches shouldn’t pick captains, but that the entire process lacked transparency. If the coach had told us from the outset that he was going to pick the captains, this would have been highly preferable to leading the whole team to believe our votes had an impact in the decision.

Another example for how parents can practice transparency would be communicating with a coach in advance when their child will miss practice or a game because of family obligations. I've seen many parents lie or withhold the truth from the coach in order to protect their child. Then at the last minute the parent will spring a surprise absence on the coach before an important game or week of practice. Transparency builds trust and trust is essential to healthy teams.

Trust

Over the course of the season, players must learn to trust in their coach’s leadership and a coach must learn to trust in his/her player’s character. Mutual respect is the bedrock of healthy teams so that when the inevitable storms of a season arrive (i.e. losing games, injuries, gossip, etc) the team is able to survive the challenge because they trust and respect each other.

The deep-seated belief that everyone on the team has the group’s best interest in mind is a powerful sedative against the craziness of a season. The best teams learn to insulate themselves against the outside influences that would seek to destroy their chemistry and pull them apart.

Trust grows out of transparency and truthfulness and is the cement by which healthy teams are built. Sports have the rare ability to expose our deficiencies and grow our character which forces a team to either create a bond of trust or allow personal shortcomings to divide the team. Team togetherness and trust are one of a few things that you have complete control over. The season provides the time and context for teams to learn to trust each other and come together, or splinter as individuals. Trust depends on the character, consistency, and selflessness of everyone involved. The coach sets the tone, but the players and parents build the culture. What type of a culture will your team build?

Quinn McDowell is a writer, trainer and professional athlete. He has played in the NBA D-League, Australia and Spain, following his four-year career at the College of William and Mary. He is the founder of AreteHoops.com and desires to see coaches and players succeed with excellence. He currently resides in Palencia, Spain, with his wife Lindsey.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2015. Building Personal Strength .

HRD's 'Dirty Little Secret' about Training

I was recently interviewed by David Lee, internationally recognized expert on employee performance. The topic was my book, The Dark Secret of HRD. We talked about how and why I came to write it and how organizations can transfer what is taught in the classroom to consistent performance in the workplace. Click here to listen to the interview on David's blog.

David Lee

David Lee is the founder of HumanNature@Work. He works with leaders interested in optimizing employee performance and customer service, through his work as a facilitator, consultant, trainer, and coach. He has worked with organizations and presented at conferences in the US, Canada, and Australia.

He is the author of Managing Employee Stress and Safety, Powerful Storytelling Techniques, and nearly 100 articles and book chapters on maximizing employee and organizational performance, which have been published in North America, Europe, India, China, and Australia.

His article, "Why Your Employees Are Just Not That Into You," the third most popular article at TLNT.com in 2012, is a must-read for any leader desiring greater productivity and engagement.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2014. Building Personal Strength .

Want to Be a Better Leader? A Job Aid for Managers

From CompareBusinessProducts.com, here is "The Manager's Cheat Sheet: 101 Common-Sense Rules for Leaders," a "cheat sheet" checklist for managers.

Yes, it's a long list - 101 items. But it's practical and realistic, and it's chunked into 10 categories - a real good how-to reference for anyone who wants to succeed as a manager.

Check it out...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2014. Building Personal Strength .

Leadership Fundamentals Are Powerful Parenting Tools

This is a unique book on parenting. Chris Efessiou, a highly successful entrepreneur and executive, believes that the personal strengths and interpersonal skills essential to effective leadership also apply to being an effective parent. I've always believed this, and in his book, CDO - Chief Daddy Officer, he makes a strong case.

I love the way he gets right to the point, illustrating his message with stories from his experience of raising his daughter. There’s so much to say that parents need to hear, and in this brief book he covers most of the major topics. And they do, indeed, have parallels to being a manager: goal-setting, planning, authority, communication, empowerment, team-building and accountability.

His writing is clear and straightforward, and it contains a lot of wisdom I haven’t seen in other parenting books. Here are some of my favorites:

“Saying ‘Because I told you so’ too many times is like saying, ‘Ask someone else’ or ‘Find out some other way.’ It is a fact of life that children will then ask someone else or find out another way, and at that point you will have lost your opportunity to influence your child.”

“The problem is that too many of us do all our parenting when there is a disagreement or conflict.”

“How often during the course of a week are we taking the time to instruct our children in an important skill or value?”

“Some parents have confused the need to encourage with the idea of getting rid of standards of behavior or performance altogether.”

“If a teenager gets yelled at for missing curfew one weekend and has it overlooked the next, she will not realistically know what is expected of her, no matter what the ‘rules’ are.”

“Above everything else, listening and observing your children shows them you respect them.”

Good stuff! This is a fresh “loving father” perspective on parenting, with hundreds of useful insights. I found that I agreed with the author 100%. If you’re actively parenting a child now and want ideas that work, I strongly recommend that you read this book.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2012. Building Personal Strength .

On Judgment - What John W. Gardner Told Me about Leadership

John W. Gardner

Perhaps no writer on leadership has made a greater contribution to American life than John W. Gardner (1912-2002). I learned about him through his books, Excellence (1961), Self-Renewal (1964), In Common Cause (1972), On Leadership (1990) and others. He was Secretary of Health, Education and Welfare during the Lyndon Johnson administration, and he founded the "Common Cause" organization and the "White House Fellowship" program. And these were only a few of his accomplishments.

In 1979 I was a finalist in the White House Fellowship program. I wasn't one of the lucky ones ultimately chosen, but during the selection process it was my was good fortune to sit next to John Gardner during lunch. We engaged in pleasant small talk, but realizing that my one-on-one time with him would be brief, I cut to the chase with this question:

"Mr. Gardner, in your opinion what is the most important attribute of a leader?"

He paused a couple beats, then said: "Judgment."

His answer surprised me. I expected him to say something like vision, courage or creativity.

"Why do you think judgment is so important?" I asked.

"Because a leader is at the center of decision-making. And each time a decision is made, actions and consequences follow, which become the future. If a leader's judgment is flawed, the consequences can be horrible. For everyone."

It was an authoritative answer, the kind that required no follow up and inspired no rebuttal. I was a major in the U.S. Army at the time, and I thought of myself as a leader. I studied leadership and practiced what I learned. I wondered if I had good judgment. I knew that good judgment isn't in the genes; we aren't born with it. We acquire it through experience without thinking about it. I wondered if it were possible for a mature adult to consciously develop greater powers of judgment, and if so, how. These questions caused my mind to race. In fact, I don't remember anything else about that conversation.

That was over 30 years ago. I understand a lot more about judgment today than I did then.

For example, I've learned which part of the brain performs the mental operation we call "judgment." It's the prefrontal cortex - the lobe area right behind the forehead. That's the part of the brain that "connects the dots." It associates facts and data to create comprehension and meaning. It relates cause and effect, which allows us to envision future events. It's often called the "executive" part of the brain, because it coordinates functions such as evaluation, logic, intuition, creativity, problem solving, decision making, planning, organizing and managing. Important stuff! In fact, these abilities, along with language, are what make us so much smarter than other animals.

Also, I've learned that this is the last part of the brain to develop itself, a process that begins at puberty and continues throughout adolescence. At the onset, countless dendrites blossom from every brain cell, jamming the prefrontal cortex with unconnected wiring. This is why judgment is so hard for teens; it's like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. But as a young person makes the effort, the prefrontal cortex steadily wires itself. At the end of that twelve-year period, the developmental window closes and all the dendrites that weren't used regularly are absorbed by the body, leaving one's foundation for judgment. Whether that foundation is minimal or robust depends on how much critical thinking the adolescent exercised.

As an adult, you can continue to improve your powers of judgment by exercising them. This causes more dendrites to connect with the wiring already in place. This means there are limits to how much you can improve your judgment. You can't build a huge edifice on a tiny foundation. The bottom line - those teen years are awfully important!

I wish I could have explained all this to Mr. Gardner. I'm sure he knew that judgment was something that happened in the brain and would have loved knowing the brain science explanation.

But even brain scientists didn't know about this back in 1979.

On the other hand, you and I know about it today. It's very empowering information. Maybe you can use this understanding to help some kids you know use their teen years well to prepare for the challenges of adult life.

Some of John W. Gardner's judgment...

On CHARACTER - “Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are.”

On CREATIVITY - “The creative individual is particularly gifted in seeing the gap between what is and what could be.”

On EXCELLENCE -  "Excellence is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well." 

On OPTIMISM - “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.”

On SELF-AWARENESS -  “Life is an endless process of self-discovery.”

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2012. Building Personal Strength . (Photo in public domain, official government publicity photo)

With a Nod to Dilbert, Monkeys and Organizational Politics

I've been working with corporations for decades. The things I have seen, the stories I could tell....

Well, all you have to do is read the papers. There are so many stories about executives making self-serving decisions that hurt employees, stockholders, and employees - not to mention the economy.

Got to be careful. This could lead to a rant. Whenever I get started, my business partner cuts me off. "I've heard all this before, and I don't need to hear it again. Can't you talk about something positive?"

So instead, in the spirit of the cartoon strip Dilbert, I'll share this little story I found on the web (source unknown). Apparently, it's based on actual research:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

Sound familiar?

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength .

My Top 12 Favorite Quotes on Leadership

Sometimes when you listen to people who know what they're talking about, it can spark an insight that re-orients the way you think about the topic.

Whether you're a leader, an aspiring leader or someone who coaches leaders, sometimes a single thought can make a difference in how you approach the difficult challenge of getting people to give their best effort together in pursuit of a common goal.

These twelve people have influenced they way I think about leadership. And yes, they really know what they're talking about.

"Any committee is only as good as the most knowledgeable, determined and vigorous person on it. There must be somebody who provides the flame." - Lady Bird Johnson, American first lady (1912-2006)

“Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy.” - H. Norman Schwarzkopf, American general (1934- )

“Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish.” - Sam Walton, American business leader (1918-1998)

“Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision, and relentlessly drive it to completion.” - Jack Welch, American business leader (1935- )

"The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant." - Max De Pree, American business leader (1924- )

“If anything goes bad, then I did it. If anything goes semi-good, then we did it. If anything goes real good, then you did it.” - Paul "Bear" Bryant, American college football coach (1913-1983)

"A leader's job is to remove any obstacle that can negatively impact his team's performance." - Mike Krzyzewski, American college basketball coach (1947- )

“I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than any other ability under the sun.” - John D. Rockefeller, American business leader (1839-1937)

"If you want to be a great leader, you've got to surround yourself with great people." - Lee Iacocca, American business leader (1924- )

"There is no more powerful leadership tool than your own personal example." - John Wooden, American college basketball coach (1910-2010)

"As a leader you should always start with where people are before you try to take them to where you want them to go." - Jim Rohn, American author (1930-2009)

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams, American president (1767-1848)

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength .

People Skills Are Hard Skills - More Than You Know

It is still common for most managers to refer to people skills as “soft skills,” because they aren’t specifically about the business of the organization. They aren’t about computers, vehicles, machines and other “hard” equipment. The perception is that getting along with people is nice, but “nice-to-have” — secondary to the operation of the business.

Nothing is further from the truth. People skills are “hard” skills because in almost every job, they’re crucial to workplace performance. They’re at the core of every job in which contact with people is the main issue. If you don’t work well with others, if you can’t get things done through others, if you have trouble satisfying customers, all the education and business know-how in the world isn’t going to make you effective.

For another thing, people skills are “hard skills” because they’re hard to improve. People already have deeply ingrained behavioral patterns for most of the people skills. The problem is, they learned them “on the street.” In most cases, the way they behave now causes problems. They need to learn new patterns. This turns out to be harder than learning a brand new skill. When you try to improve the way a person performs a people skill, the new pattern has to compete with the old, comfortable pattern that’s causing the problems. During the difficult period of “conscious competence,” it’s all too tempting to fall back on already-ingrained, dysfunctional ways of interacting with others.

Another problem that makes people skills hard to acquire is that the learning isn’t well supported by books, videos and courses. I’ve read dozens of books on people skills, and the best of these focus on only a handful of key skills. One key area of leadership skill involves coaching. But most books on this topic focus on mentoring and executive coaching, not skills for operational leaders. Video production companies treat only a few of the essential people skills, and their approach seems mostly to entertain and motivate, not to teach how.

One intellectual movement, called “emotional intelligence,” introduced by Daniel Goleman over 15 years ago, shined a spotlight on people skills. But he aggregated people skills, managing emotions, personality and character traits into a single area of competence, further confusing the issue. The concept has become popular in some HR circles, which is unfortunate, because people skills have as much to do with logic as with emotions. Plus, this artificial clumping of important issues makes it easier for executives to segment “all that stuff” into a secondary “soft” area.

All the proponents of people skills fall short of describing the true scope of this element of workplace performance. If you ask consultants or trainers to name all the people skills, they’re likely to name fewer than ten, certainly no more than fifteen.

But actually, there are several dozen essential people skills. These apply to all employees, whether managers or their direct reports: communicate effectively in writing, defuse negative emotions, express feelings constructively, handle customer phone calls, interpret nonverbal behavior, listen to understand, facilitate dialogue, present a persuasive argument, request feedback, accept feedback, give positive feedback, give constructive feedback, request feedforward, give feedforward, affirm people’s strengths, give encouragement, learn from experience, improve a work habit, set self-development goals, share information. express appreciation/gratitude, manage time, assert your needs, deal with difficult people, interact with diverse people, build rapport, build work relationships, show respect, apologize, accept apology, negotiate, avoid conflict, deal with complaints, ask for support, give support to coworkers, make a decision, resolve conflict, respond to a suggestion, solve problems, and troubleshoot problems.

And that's not all. There is also an impressive array of people skills that seem especially appropriate for managers who need to get results through people: interview a candidate, respond to suggestions, give a briefing, give a speech, deal with behavior problems, teach a concept, teach a procedure, teach a skill, facilitate experiential learning, encourage constructive attitudes, assign roles and responsibilities, communicate vision, delegate responsibility, plan a strategy, set results goals, express expectations, empower people, give results feedback, hold people accountable, inspire internal motivation, lead by example, manage a project, encourage innovation, manage change, monitor progress, deal with mistakes, recognize achievement, reinforce expectations, conduct performance review, facilitate idea generation, evaluate ethical factors, facilitate thinking, facilitate conflict resolution, facilitate decision making, involve people in decisions, manage a crisis, conduct a meeting, facilitate cooperation, and facilitate team bonding.

That's a lot of people skills - way more than managers or experts acknowledge. And they're one of the biggest “difference-makers” in the workplace. The difference between a leader and a manager is people skills. The difference between a good employee and a stronger, high-performing employee is people skills. That’s why year after year executives rank “people skills” at the top of their wish lists when hiring people.

There's nothing "soft" about people skills.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Dilbert Got it Wrong - The Truth about Empowerment

My favorite comic strip is "Dilbert." I think about the workplace a lot, and most of the time Scott Adams is "right on" about the craziness that goes on there. I think it's pretty funny that the little HR weenie is depicted as an evil force.

In the Sunday paper recently, the pointy-haired manager tells his team, "I want all of you to feel empowered on this project." One of them says, "I'm going to use my empowerment to destroy this poorly conceived project from the inside." When the boss gets mad, Dilbert says, "So...now you're saying we're not empowered to do what we think is best?"

I laughed (yes, out loud), as usual. You can see the entire strip in color here.

But there's a problem. The assumption that makes the joke work is in error. In the strip, the word "empowerment" is used to mean giving employees the power to decide what to do.

In fairness to Scott Adams, 95% of all corporations got it wrong, too, thanks to quite a few authors and HR departments who promoted the concept of empowerment back in the days of "self-directed teams." The idea was, give away your power as a manager, then stand back and watch all the wonderful things your newly motivated team members will do next.

R-i-i-ight. All that mistaken HR hooey came to no good and gave the concept of empowerment a bad name.

True empowerment involves a lot more than giving away authority. It means giving people everything they need to do their best work - things like tools, equipment, supplies, technology, transportation, facilities, communication, personnel, information, and time. And yes, authority - if they need it, and not without guidance and boundaries.

Giving people what they need to do their best is the true definition of "empowerment." They need these things, but they can't have access to any of them until management - those with the power - give it to them. And as you can see, they need a whole lot more than the authority to make decisions.

This industry-wide misunderstanding about empowerment, along with the inevitable backlash against the term, did unaccountable damage to productivity for over a decade. It caused managers to distrust the idea of empowerment.

But people do need to be empowered to do their best work. It's impossible for them to perform at a high level any other way. If managers want to get the very best from their people, they need to

1. Develop them to improve their ability to deliver. Focus on business/technical know-how, people skills and personal strengths.

2. Inspire them to want to deliver. Focus on their personal goals, values, needs, interests, etc.

3. Empower them with the resources they need to deliver.

Otherwise, they probably won't get the results they seek. To think otherwise is to be in denial.

So, managers everywhere, listen up.

Forget all that old HR balderdash from 20 years ago. If you want results, you have to empower your people. Not empowerment in the old, mistaken. narrow sense. But empowerment according to the broader, more realistic definition.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Views from the Top - Wisdom from 15 Past U.S. Presidents

 pol*i*tics (noun) \ˈpä-lə-ˌtiks\

1. The practice of people with authority to deceive others for personal gain and to increase their own power.

I didn't get this definition from the Merriam-Webster dictionary, but it's the most honest and telling one I've ever come across.

Still, some politicians have been known to speak the truth. As evidence, I offer these quotes from fifteen past U.S. Presidents...

On PERSEVERANCE - "Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air." - John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)

On FAITH - "Faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands - this is not optional - my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." - Jimmy Carter (1924- )

On FAITH - "We are a people of faith. We have been so secure in that faith that we have enshrined in our constitution protection for people who profess no faith. And good for us for doing so." - Bill Clinton (1946- )

On PERSEVERANCE - “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” - Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)

On COOPERATION - “The world must learn to work together, or finally it will not work at all.” - Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969)

On CHARACTER - "Always demanding the best of oneself, living with honor, devoting one's talents and gifts to the benefits of others—these are the measures of success that endure when material things have passed away." - Gerald Ford (1913- 2006)

On ATTITUDE - “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

On COOPERATION - "There are no problems we cannot solve together, and very few we can solve by ourselves." - Lyndon Johnson (1908-1973)

On INITIATIVE - “There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.” - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

On COMPASSION - "To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own." - Abraham Lincoln, (1809-1865)

On FAIRNESS - “If you treat people right they will treat you right—ninety percent of the time.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945)

On CHARACTER - “The credit belongs to those who are actually in the arena, who strive valiantly; who know the great enthusiasm, the great devotions, and spend themselves in a worthy cause; who at the best know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at their worst, if they fail, fail while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)

On COMPOSURE - “If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” - Harry Truman (1884-1972)

On SELF-ESTEEM - “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.” - George Washington (1732-1799)

On EFFORT - "It is only by working with an energy which is almost superhuman and which looks to uninterested spectators like insanity that we can accomplish anything worth the achievement." - Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Strong People Skills and Personal Strengths - Not Just for Managers

Everybody knows that managers need to do more than manage. They also need to lead effectively. That means they need people skills and personal strengths.

We also know that most managers have a lot of room to grow in that department. So it's a good idea to invest time and resources to help them grow stronger for leadership.

What's not so well understood is that managers aren't the only people at work who lead. The stereotyped view of the workplace is that the person in charge leads, and everyone else follows.

But that's nonsense. In the real world, the workplace isn't like that at all.

Often an employee who has a special area of expertise will be expected to take the lead on a project that emphasizes that skill set. For example, if George has better computer skills than the manager, when using computers is the main activity, George will be the one to direct others.

And some people are so talented, mature and motivated that they need practically no supervision. They lead themselves. And sometimes to get things done, they lead others.

This can sometimes be true of all the employees. A manager simply can't be everywhere at once. So in her absence, people may have to step up and do the kinds of things that the manager is expected to do. They may actually coach each other, support each other, take the initiative, solve problems, make decisions, and tell each other what to do.

Some people, even though they aren't in charge, have acquired experience in leadership. In sports, in the family, in church, at school, in organizations such as Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. These abilities often reveal themselves in special situations at work. We think of these people as "emerging leaders." After a while, management - if they're on their game - will notice this and single these people out for supervisory roles.

So it's smart to give everyone in the workplace a chance to grow as a person, to help them develop stronger people skills, to give them opportunities to exercise personal strength. These are the areas of competence that make them more effective in personal relationships, as well as work relationships. And everyone knows that when things are going well at home, things go better at work.

So the so-called "leadership skills" are actually the kinds of skills that you want everyone on a high-performing team to have. Yes, the manager has the official leadership role, but in the best case everyone will play a leadership role sooner or later. Ideally, a smart organization will do things to develop these abilities in everyone.

In our company, everyone uses ProStar Coach for professional self-development, not just the people in charge - even the person who answers the phone. Even the tech support guy. We want him to get stronger - better people skills and personal strengths - for life and work. We know good things will happen because we do that. He'll do more to lead himself, and he'll grow in the job as he does that. Which means the people in charge will have to do less leading.

This may sound like high-sounding rhetoric, but it's not. It may seem a little idealistic or outside the box, but even in a small business, this is what should happen, what can happen, and what management should try to make happen.

People skills and personal strengths are not just for managers.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

People Skills and Personal Strengths - The Bottom Line

I'm in a "bottom-line" mood right now. Kind of a "no-BS" mood. With tones of "bearing witness" mixed in.

So. The bottom line.

If you want to be effective in the world, if you want to be capable of adding value, so people will give you money to do what you do, you need to be capable in a few specific areas.

1. The business. Is it the restaurant business? If so, do you understand that business? Can you cook great food? Can you wait tables? Is it the clothing retail business? Is it the military? Do you understand small unit tactics? Can you operate weapons? You gotta know the business. You gotta have business savvy.

2. Administration/management. Can you organize things? Account for things? Control things? Conserve things? Can you use the machines and devices and programs that do these things? Money. Supplies. Tools. Facilities. Transportation. Vehicles. Communication. Technology. Money. Information. Stuff.

3. People skills. Are you good with people? Do you know really effective ways to listen to people? Give them positive feedback? Constructive feedback? To encourage them? Inspire them? Influence them? There are several dozen specific people skills. You can do these well and people will respond well to you, love interacting with you in life or at work. Or you can be hard to deal with.

4. Personal strengths. Life is a struggle. The world isn't wired to make you successful. The world doesn't know anything about you. Doesn't care about you. You have to strive against adversity. Meet challenges and do the hard things to work through them and prevail. Every day. Patience. Courage. Perseverance. Effort. Compassion. Intuition. Rationality. And dozens of other hard things. If it's not your pattern to engage these strengths, you'll have a very hard time working your way through life. And of course that's the case with many people.

All these areas of capability are important. People who want to be successful should get serious work about developing themselves in all four of these areas.

Here's what's interesting. Most people "get" the first two areas of capability. They understand and value business savvy and administrative skills. The other two areas - people skills and personal strengths - are poorly understood, or not understood at all.

But people skills and personal strengths are just as important, if not more important than business savvy or administration skills. You could graduate at the top of your law school class and pass the bar exam on the first try, but if you're clumsy with people, if you aren't strong as a person, you won't succeed. People won't want to work with you. Won't want to hire you. You'll falter when things get tough.

That's the bottom line. I know this perspective isn't the default one in our culture. But it's really what's going on.

And that's why, at this time of my life, that I focus on people skills and personal strengths almost exclusively. On this blog. And in my new online self-development service, ProStar Coach.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Get Stronger as a Leader - One Area at a Time

Leaders have so much to learn. How do they get it all done?

If you're serious about developing yourself as a leader, here are three bottom-line success tips.

# 1 - Be patient. If you’re a success-oriented person and your boss gives you feedback, you’ll probably want to address all the issues immediately.

But that would be a mistake. It takes time to establish a personal strength habit or ingrain a people skill. This isn’t the kind of thing you push through the eye of the needle. Like improving any skill, it takes lots of application in the real world before it starts to feel comfortable enough for you to trust it. You may understand the concept quickly, but improved work habits don’t happen overnight.

#2 - Own your own learning. No one can make you learn. Attending a course on effective leadership skills doesn’t give you the skills you need. All an instructor can do is instruct - deliver information. It’s up to you - and no one else - to put the skills into practice.

Your ultimate training ground won't be the classroom. It'll be in the workplace. So find people around you who are willing to give you feedback - and listen to them. Put yourself in challenging situations and find people who can help you learn from your experiences. Learn to coach yourself.

#3 - Focus on one area at a time. Yes, there’s a lot to learn. But the secret is to concentrate on improving one skill or strength at a time. You may have several self-development goals. You may feel that the way to quick success is to tackle all of them at once.

But imagine that you play basketball and you belong to a league. Say your weakest area is shooting free throws. So one of your team mates comes up to you in practice and says, “You know, you don’t have your elbow in the right position.” The problem is, it feels awkward when you try to do what he says. But you try it anyway while he watches.

But then your friend says, “You also want to let your middle finger be your guide to the basket.” That seems like a basic technique, but now you’re working on two things at once, and they’re both awkward.

Sensing your desire to excel, he adds: “You're not setting yourself up for the free throw the same way each time. You gotta have a routine, man. Stroke it the same way every time.” Again, good advice! You know if you could master all these techniques, you’d make a lot more of your free throws. But it’s too much all at once! Everything feels awkward, you don’t know how to fit them together into a fluid activity, and you don’t know what to focus on.

The smart money is to focus on just one thing at a time and practice it until it starts to feel comfortable. At that point you may not have fully mastered the technique, but at least it doesn't feel awkward anymore. Then you can focus on the next thing.

If you try to implement five or six changes in your life all at once, you won’t be able to give any one thing the concentrated effort it needs. You’ll dilute your efforts, and in the end nothing much will happen. You won’t get the improvements you hope for.

It’s essential to be your own best trainer, and recognize that it’s a journey. You can develop strong people skills and strengths over time, if you apply yourself. Just remember that it’s going to take practice, practice and more practice. And above all, you’re going to have to focus.

One thing at a time — that’s where the magic is.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Beyond the World of Work - People Skills are Life Skills

I once told a friend of mine, "The people skills that the best leaders can help build strong relationships with friends and family. You can - and you should - use them with your kids."

She looked at me as if I were some kind of ignoramus, so caught up in my leadership development work that I was no longer in touch with the real world.

I laughed. I understood her reaction. She was probably thinking about some of the bad bosses she had in her work life. She imagined managers giving orders, trying to control people, and being critical most of the time.

But I asked her to think about what people skills involve: listening, keeping an open mind when engaging in dialog, accepting the feedback people give you, helping people learn from experience, and resolving conflict, to name a few. Yes, doing these things well is essential to getting the best work from a work group. But clearly, these are life skills.

They’re essential to being a parent. Keeping an open mind while talking with a teenager - this doesn’t come naturally. A kid will pop off with something emotional, say something that angers you or shocks you. Your instinct is to say, “You shouldn’t say that.” That’s not dialog. End of conversation.

If a plumber sends you a bill, but he didn’t fix things right, can you resolve the conflict? Can you get what you need while the plumber gets what he needs?

If you’re trying to buy a car, you need to listen, give feedback, and negotiate. The same interpersonal skills that are essential to effective leadership turn out to be vital in your personal life. It’s because they’re all about getting results through people. Leaders need to do that, but so does everyone else.

And it’s not just people skills. It’s also the personal strengths that leaders need to be strong when facing difficult challenges. You need behavior patterns such as patience, perseverance, tolerance, trust, integrity, compassion - and all of the dozens of other personal strengths. Every single one of these strengths is crucial to how you deal with people in your life away from the workplace.

Probably most, if not all of the skills and strengths that leaders depend on are also essential to being an effective human being. If you learn to use people skills at work, they can be there for you in your personal life, too. If you fall short as a leader, very likely there will be consequences in other areas of your life as well. Personal strengths will help you succeed no matter what do - whether you’re in sales or you’re delivering customer service. They make a huge difference, whether you’re a teacher, a coach, a counselor, or a parent

"Well, when you put it that way," she said with a smile.

This post is based on a video interview with Meredith Bell. If you'd like to view the video...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

The Secret to Mastering People Skills - Focus on One Skill at a Time

Typical hard-charging managers don't want to fool around. They want to get it all done ASAP.

But this doesn't work with improving people and leadership skills. The challenge is to change the way they've been doing something for decades. That means rewiring their brains, which people do all the time. But the process requires many, many repetitions of the best practice to make that happen.

So it's like athletes who work on improving multiple aspects of their game. If they try to improve everything at once, it will not only take longer, there's a good chance they'll fail. The key is to concentrate.

I explain all this in this 8th and final interview segment with Meredith Bell...



If you missed any of the first seven video segments, you can check them out here, a page that collects all eight videos...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Open-mindedness - Let the New Knowledge In

In many high-rise buildings, certain floors have a single tenant or facility, and the elevators that serve these floors have special security keys that limit access. No one can visit that part of the building without the special elevator key that opens the doors.

People who are unwilling to keep an open mind are like that. They control the intellectual key that lets nonresident information in, and they don't let strangers in.

Twenty years ago, 360-degree feedback surveys - which make it easy for you to get feedback from the people who work around you - were different than they are today. They were called “assessment instruments” and were designed exclusively for higher levels of management. They were called instruments because the early 360-degree feedback tools were modeled after psychological tests. They had a rigid set of items that the publishers claimed had been researched to correlate to several “constructs,” or factors of leadership. The value of the feedback was based on the quality of the research. Processing the feedback was done off-site. You had to scan paper forms, check them and send them to a central processing facility. The service was very expensive.

At Performance Support Systems, we took an outside-the-box approach to this technology. We felt that 360-degree feedback was so useful that everyone in the organization should be able to benefit from it. Why restrict 360-degree feedback to leaders? All employees need feedback.

This meant that the process had to be much less expensive to administer. We also felt that a rigid set of survey questions didn’t make sense. Battalion commanders don’t lead the same way that sales managers do. Ministers lead their congregations differently than project managers lead their teams. In other words, an assessment needs to be validated locally and customized to fit the culture.

So we developed a radically new approach. We created a user-friendly system called 20/20 Insight that an organization could purchase and administer locally. This meant that scanners were no longer needed, which made administration ten times faster and cheaper. The software came with a huge library of generic straw-man assessment sets and allowed easy do-it-yourself customization so organizations could align surveys with their local competency models. The concept of researched constructs in a rigid instrument became an outmoded, wrong-headed approach. The purpose of 360-degree feedback was to tell someone what coworkers thought about their work behavior, so the recipient could decide whether to work on improving a given area—not to measure “traits,” as in psychological testing.

This was an entirely new approach to 360-degree feedback. We believed it made more sense and would lead to a much wider use of performance feedback, which would be a boon to human resource development (HRD). And in the end, our vision proved to be the way of the future. While a few of these expensive old-style “instruments” still exist, they aren’t used much anymore. Today there are nearly 100 different feedback survey services on the market, all designed after the 20/20 Insight model.

But back in 1994, it was amazingly difficult to talk about 20/20 Insight to HRD professionals. Their mindset about feedback was conditioned by the old paradigm. They would say, “Show me your research.” And we would answer, “This isn’t a psychological test. The question of validity is different. No survey can be valid for every organization. The questions are used to give feedback about individual behaviors, not to create constructs. The questions are based on decades of experience training leaders and on our thorough search of the literature. To make them valid, we make it easy for users to customize them based on how their unique organizations operate.”

Our approach to feedback was so new that it conflicted with how HR professionals thought about it. To understand the value of 20/20 Insight, they would have to open their minds to a new way of thinking. A few were able to do this right away. They became customers. For others, it took longer. Many were never able to grasp the new concept. They continued to pay ten times as much for feedback that was limited in its usefulness.

But that was a long time ago. The new paradigm of the mid-90s is now the old paradigm. It no longer takes an open mind to comprehend 20/20 Insight.

The wiser you are, the more you'll seek the wisdom of others.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

People Skills Are More Than Leader Skills - They're Life Skills

It is an interesting fact that most of the skills that make a manager a leader - the people skills - are really life skills. The ability to listen is crucial to successful relationships, whether with employees, customers, friends or family. The skills involved in resolving conflict, which are vital in the workplace, are just as powerful and valuable when used to avoid family arguments. The ability to show gratitude, etc...it's a long list.

So one good reason for a manager to learn how to be a better leader is that it will make him a better human being.

This is the topic of discussion in the 7th segment in a series of 8 video clips, in which Meredith Bell interviews me on the topic of leadership development.



In case you missed the first 6 videos in the series...

#1 - 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 - Why People Usually DON'T Give Their Best Effort

#3 - Leader Skills Are NOT Enough

#4 - Leaders Learn Best ON THE JOB, Not in the Classroom

#5 - Leadership Habits Take Time to Ingrain

#6 - Learn from Experience with 5 Magic Questions

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Learn from Experience with 5 Magic Questions -

Learning Fact No. 1 - People learn best from experience.

Learning Fact No. 2 - People don't always learn from their experiences.

In other words, living a busy, rich, interesting life doesn't guarantee that you'll end up wiser for it.

So what can you do? There's so much to be learned from life's experiences - the best learning of all. What can you do to make sure the learning happens?

The answer is that you have to think about what happens to you.

In this video, which is Part 6 in an 8-segment series of interviews with Meredith Bell, I explain a simple thought process that derives the lessons of experience better than any way I know...




You can facilitate your own learning by asking yourself the "5 Magic Questions." Or you can coach others by asking them the questions...and trusting them to come up with the answers!

In case you missed the first 5 videos in the series...

#1 - 4 Vital Things Every Leader Must Do

#2 - Why People Usually DON'T Give Their Best Effort

#3 - Leader Skills Are NOT Enough

#4 - Leaders Learn Best ON THE JOB, Not in the Classroom

#5 - Leadership Habits Take Time to Ingrain

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

From "Knowing" to "Doing" - The Problem with Leadership Training

I once had the pleasure of training all the executives and middle managers of a city government in the basic skills of leadership. I worked hard to design a course that would introduce the basics and give them lots of practice. They loved the program. It was a very satisfying experience.

A couple years later, I returned to see how they were doing. What I learned is that nothing had changed. I was warmly greeted, as if I were an old friend. But they weren't doing what they had learned. I was surprised and disappointed.

Years later, I realized that the problem wasn't with my training. It was that instruction, even the best on planet Earth, isn't enough to change a work habit. People learn how to deal with each other over a lifetime, and the patterns are deeply ingrained. A two-week course isn't enough to change that.

I should have known better. I was introduced to my own listening and group facilitation skills in a six-week course back in 1976. Fortunately, I needed to put what I had learned into practice as soon as I got back. Over a year later, I started to feel comfortable with what I was doing. Without that long-term follow-up, I would never have mastered the skills.

So if you care about developing yourself as a leader, if you want more effective people skills, what should you do? What’s the best approach?

Many well-intentioned managers read books about leadership. There are hundreds in print right now. Many articles and videos are available on the topic, too. You’ll also find quite a few training programs, both online and on-site, and many are extremely well produced.

To help you navigate through all these resources, consider this: there’s a huge difference between KNOWING something and DOING something. In the end, what you know is far less important than what you do with the knowledge. When you’re with people, are you applying what you learned? If you don’t translate knowledge into action, it’s not of much use to you.

But doing what you've learned to do isn't so easy.

Practically speaking, the best books, videos and training programs do a couple things. First, they present a model of effective leadership skills—they show you what you should be doing on the job. The problem is, not all of them do that. They may contain a lot of good information about leadership principles. Hopefully, the treatment is interesting. You may get some self-awareness; it’s always good to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. But what you really need to know is what you should be doing to get the best effort from your people. So ideally, you learn about a model of how to act with people. If the resource doesn’t give you this, you’re probably wasting your time with it.

The problem is this: knowing what to do — having good models for effective leadership skills — is only the beginning.

A training course — even a two-week course, which is rare — isn’t enough to make you so comfortable with the best people skills that you wouldn’t hesitate to use them with people.

The reason is that these courses have a lot of topics to cover and there’s not much time for in-class practice. It takes time to ingrain a skill to the point where you’ll instinctively use it in the real world of work. That’s because the brain cells involved in the skill have to grow connections and form a network that makes the skill efficient and comfortable. If you apply what you learned over and over again, the brain cells will be stimulated to grow, connect and rewire your brain for the skill.

How long? That depends on how many times you apply it. The idea is to make an effective leadership skill a work habit, and that could take months, or as long as a year.

The bottom line - this crucial reinforcement phase cannot take place in the classroom with an instructor. A manager has to facilitate her own learning and development in the real world of work, every day.

That’s how you develop any habit, a skill, or a behavior pattern. There’s no shortcut. You have to do the work. And the only place this can happen is on the job.

When it comes to developing effective leadership skills, experience really is the best teacher. A smart manager takes cues from her interactions with people. For example, someone might say, “I don’t like it when you talk to me that way.” Or something might go wrong in her group. She may be trying things and they’re not working. Each of these instances is an experience from which she can learn.

So when you pick up suggestions about what to do as a leader, try them and learn from the experiences. If you do this, day after day, year after year, you’re going to be involved in the best kind of leadership development program there is.

This article is based on my interview with Meredith Bell on this topic. Would you like to watch the video clip?

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Dr. Thomas Gordon - A Credo for Relationships

The first book I ever read about people skills was Dr. Thomas Gordon's 1970 book P.E.T., which stands for Parent Effectiveness Training. In 1978, he published L.E.T. (Leader Effectiveness Training).

Everything he said over 30 years ago remains valid and useful today, even though dozens of books have been written about people skills since. At the core of all his courses and books is what he called his "Credo" for relationships. It brilliantly summarizes the assumptions that underlie effective human relations. Taken from the book, L.E.T., it's worth repeating here.

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.

When you are having problems meeting your needs, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance. In order to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine, I also will try to respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.

However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.

At those times when we find that either of us cannot change to meet the other's needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power or authority to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine - neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love, and peace.

Imagine how wonderful it would be for this credo to become the foundation for a marriage, a parent-child relationship, a friendship, a co-worker relationship...

Dr. Gordon passed away in 2002. If you're interested in being more effective in relationships, his books are still in print, and I enthusiastically encourage you to check them out. (Disclaimer - I have no affiliate connection with Dr. Gordon's organization or the publisher and receive no compensation for endorsing his books.)

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .