Youth Sports - A Key Part of the Village

When I was ten years old and living in a small town in southwest Missouri, I joined the Little League baseball team coached by my best friend’s father. Three of my friends played on that team, and when we weren’t at regular practices, we played baseball in an open field next to my best friend’s house.

It was the happiest time of my life. I was “in the moment” hour after hour, day after day. All I wanted to do was catch, throw and hit a baseball. My pals would pitch to me and I would try to hit the ball harder, higher and further than before.

I don’t remember the details of every practice and game, but I remember the thrill of hitting a home run. There were no fences on the playing field where we competed, so a home run was always an “inside-the-park” home run, where the runner had to hit it the ball far enough so that he could speed around the bases before the throw reached home plate. I led the league that year with six home runs and was selected for the all-star team.

I also remember the time I was thrown out at third base. I felt as if I had let myself and my team down. As I walked toward my coach and teammates, I was so disappointed my eyes filled with tears. My coach put his arm around me and said, “I love it that you tried for the extra base. You always give it your all.”

My father was in the service, and a year later he was reassigned, and I left my buddies behind. I wouldn’t see them again until they were grown men.

There was no youth baseball program on the installation where we lived. But my father was a big sports fan, and he took me to see organized soldier baseball and basketball games.

I discovered an outdoor community basketball court and began to spend hours practicing a variety of shots. I had a pretty good outside shot and had plenty of enthusiasm, so I played on the middle school basketball team. But by the time I was a freshman in high school, my father was reassigned to Germany, and we moved away again. At my new school, I discovered I was too small to compete on the high school team.

So I fell in love with golf. Whenever the ground was clear of snow, I was on the course, often playing 36 holes a day. As senior, I was captain of the golf team. Later, at West Point I was required to take a physical fitness course and compete in intramural sports every semester. My favorite sports were wrestling and soccer.

So unlike many of my friends and colleagues, I was never a varsity athlete. But sports definitely ingrained life habits that helped prepare me for the challenges I would later face in life.

Once at a dinner party I told a woman that participation in team sports can help young people grow stronger for success in life.

She laughed at me and said that was a preposterous notion. Apparently, she didn't have the same opportunities that I had while growing up. She had achieved plenty of success without athletics, thank you very much.

She was wrong, of course, but I understood her point of view.

Thanks to Title IX, young women now have abundant opportunities to participate in competitive team sports. In the Texas town where I live now, the local high school tennis team recently won its seventh straight state championship. Can you imagine how all that work, competition and ultimate success has impacted the lives of these young student-athletes?

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .

Adolescent Rites of Passage - Something of Monumental Importance Has Been Lost

I've been reading about traditional and modern rites of passage. So far, the two most helpful books have been Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage, ed. Louise Carus Mahdi, et al (1996); and From Boys to Men: Spiritual Rites of Passage in an Indulgent Age, by Bret Stephenson (2006).

A consistent theme: Long ago, "primitive" cultures evolved effective initiation rites to guide young people from childhood to adulthood. Modern adolescents feel the same powerful need to break away from childhood, prove themselves, find their identity, and be acknowledged by and accepted into the adult community. But traditional rites of passage have for the most part been diluted or discarded, and most young people are left to find their own way, often with disastrous results.

My reading has caused me to reflect on what happened to me during my own adolescence. My conclusion: I had amazing luck in the rites of passage department.

• At age 13, I earned the rank of Eagle Scout after two years of hard work.
• At age 14 in the Explorer Scouts I experienced the "Order of the Arrow' initiation ritual.
• At age 15 my father was assigned to Germany. Our family was on a waiting list for housing, and I had to take his place to help my mother control my six younger brothers and sisters for six months until we could join my father.
• At age 18, after 12 years at the top of my class, I gave the valedictory address at my high school graduation.
• At age 18, I survived the West Point summer "Beast Barracks" training and was accepted into the Corps of Cadets.
• At age 19, I was "recognized" at the end of "Plebe" year and became an upperclassman.
• At age 22 I graduated from West Point and was commissioned a second lieutenant in the a Regular Army.
• At age 22 I was married in a Mormon temple with my grandfather officiating.
• At age 22 I successfully completed the Army Ranger School.

Each of these rites of passage required that I accept a "call to adventure" and survive an ordeal, a test to prove myself. After successful completion I was recognized by my community in a way that made me feel I had arrived at a new level in my life. In other words, I was involved in several structured processes that helped me develop personal strengths that would empower me throughout my life and careers -and be recognized for doing so!

Nine of them! How lucky is that?

One of my most intense ordeals happened soon after my adolescence. As a young captain I served in Vietnam as an advisor to Vietnamese infantry units. During that year I participated in over 200 combat missions. I was given several awards for valor and service, but at the end the acknowledgement and acceptance back into my community was non-existent. Instead there was confusion and alienation. I remember an incident during my graduate studies at Duke University when an enlightened coed called me a "baby killer." So my service in Vietnam never became a true rite of passage.

And it wasn't a rite of passage experience for the three dozen of my West Point classmates who died on the battlefield. And soldiers returning from combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan aren't made to experience developmental rites of passage either - a huge opportunity wasted.

Young people will always need to be challenged, tested, guided and accepted in a powerful way in order for them to define who they are and feel they've put childhood behind them. But modern culture has abandoned the old structures without replacing them. Gangs, high society, and college fraternities and sororities have their initiation rituals, but these are pathetic remnants of ancient traditions. It's a tragic, mostly unrecognized shortfall that has left our youth adrift.

The consequences of teens trying to find their own way towards being adults - unwed teen mothers, gangs, crime, substance abuse, and suicide. And yes, middle-aged offspring who still live at home and who have never become adults.

Given that the rituals that served ancient and primitive cultures are inappropriate for our time, is there a way to recreate effective rites of passage for today's youth that are appropriate for modern life? It's something I think about a lot these days.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2013. Building Personal Strength .