The Personal Strength of Initiative - We Head for the Hills

Before my wife and I moved to the Texas Hill Country, we lived in Vero Beach, Florida, a small, quiet Atlantic-side barrier island community far from the big city. I called it “Paradise.” It was awfully easy to “be in the moment” there.

Until 2004, that is, when we suffered a direct hit from Category 2 Hurricane Frances. Then, a couple weeks later, another direct hit by Category 3 Hurricane Jeanne. All I can say is, it’s amazing how adverse life can be sometimes.

I could also say, “It could have sucked worse.” Some of our friends lost their homes. Hotels on the beach were completely destroyed. We were “lucky.” We had flooding in the sun room and we had to have our roof replaced. We lost nine trees, including a 100-year-old oak tree in our front yard. Oh, and every plant on our property was blown over. The curbside pile of debris in front of our home was seven feet tall and 75 feet long.

Six months later, we had restored our home and property to better-than-before condition. However, we were changed. During the summer of 2005, as we watched reports of Katrina on TV, we wondered whether a hurricane that strong could hit our community. That was the year of so many hurricanes that they ran out of alphabet names. One of the hurricanes, Wilma, brought us 120 mph winds, equivalent to Category 2 winds. We lived only 6 feet above sea level. A major hurricane could wash our island away. There wouldn’t be anything left to rebuild on.

The question was, should we “head for the high ground,” as a friend of mine suggested? Or should we stay in Paradise? We knew that there would be no safe haven. Every place has both its wonders and its natural disasters. Pick your poison. And moving is an expensive, soul-crunching process. There’s a big difference between thinking about moving away and actually doing it. Vero Beach hadn’t had a hurricane in 100 years. Maybe it wouldn’t happen again. Maybe we wouldn’t like living somewhere else.

If we were to move, the best option for us was the Texas Hill Country. We had visited there before, and we knew it was beautiful. We’d be near family—a huge benefit. My wife’s parents were in their 80s. Her nieces and nephews were growing into adults, getting married and having kids. In Florida, we would miss most of that.

But if we were to move away, we would needed to act immediately. We knew people had left Florida because of the hurricanes. With less demand, property values had started to decline. The heated-up real estate bubble seemed ready to burst at any time. If that happened, it would be nearly impossible to sell our home.

The day that Kathleen said “It’s time” we put the home up for sale. We interviewed several realtors and picked the most action-oriented one. That evening, she briefed us on a five-day plan. The next day we started doing everything she told us to do. Before the week was out, we were on a plane to Texas to find out where we wanted to live.

And we got lucky. After about 15 open houses and over 100 walk-throughs, we had a buyer. The offer was 15% less than what we thought the house was worth, but we took it. We returned to the Hill Country to find our home, and we got lucky again. We found a better home than we thought we’d find in our target price range. And we got lucky a third time. We moved before the bubble burst, so our extra equity allowed us to live in a nicer home.

We closed on our sale, we packed, we drove to Texas and we closed on our new home. Our movers delayed bringing our belongings for almost a month, but we made lemonade. We repainted the interior.

In short, it was a difficult decision and a difficult move, but we’re glad we took initiative when we did. We’re a part of the family again. Our landscaping is finally looking beautiful. And we have lots of new friends.  

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (Photo of hurricane Isabel, courtesy of Mike Trenchard, Earth Sciences Image Analysis Laboratory, Johnson Space Center)

Motivation, Inspiration: "Life is Like a Cup of Coffee"

In this space, I've featured a number of brief inspirational videos. Sunday is my favorite day for viewing and sharing them. My brain isn't engaged with work, and it helps recalibrate my spirit and set me up for the coming week.

This one has a simple, powerful message and finishes strong.




Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

BP Oil Spill - A Contrasting Spirit

On the one hand, you have politicians who worked next to the President of the United States who were part of the oil establishment and who willfully let companies like BP write the rules they wanted and enforce themselves. Instead of doing the right thing for safety, you have greed and hubris. You have the BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, which is destroying a beautiful part of Earth and a vital fishing industry. You have evil.

By contrast, you have a spirit that values the sea and the land and the life that flourishes there. You have appreciation for the fragility of the environment. You have people doing what then can to responsibly care for these resources. Rather than acting in self-interest, you have people doing the right thing.

Watch this brief clip. It is the voice of the spirit that stands in contrast to the values of the people responsible for the BP oil disaster. It's worth listening to over and over again.

Workouts in a New Gym for Personal Strength

Today I got up early to go to my fitness center to lift weights and swim laps. Afterwards I sat in the hot tub for about 15 minutes. Then I took a shower. It's my favorite workout routine. It leaves me feeling fit and refreshed for the rest of the day.

It was my first workout in three months.

This year our part of Texas had record high levels of tree pollen, and I had an allergic reaction to it. My sinuses got so congested that eventually I got an upper respiratory infection. Even with anti-biotics, the recovery took weeks. And just when I thought I was almost well, the whole thing started up again. And of course during all this I didn't feel like working out. It was like having a miserable cold for more than two months. After recovery, we spent over a week vacationing with friends in Tennessee. As soon as we returned, I had a minor out-patient surgical procedure, and the doctor told me not to lift anything or swim for two weeks. 

So it's been a long time. And yes, as a result, I lost conditioning. I couldn't pick up where I left off. I had to start over to build back my strength and endurance.

As I was sitting in the hot tub, I reflected on the similarities between building physical strength and building personal strength. (I do a lot of my best thinking in the hot tub!)

There's no way to build physical strength without stressing the muscles. With enough exercise, tiny tears form in the muscles. In a few days they heal, making the muscles bigger and stronger, allowing you to do more work. Physical conditioning isn't about knowing something. It's about doing something. You gotta do the work.

Personal strength-building works the same way. To make a behavior pattern stronger, you have to use it. The more often you use it and the more challenging the situations you attempt, the stronger the pattern will get. If you have opportunities to use the behavior pattern and you choose not to, you regress. Like physical conditioning, knowledge may get you to the gym, but you have to do the work. Nothing happens when you just think good thoughts.

When building physical strength, it's best not to stress the whole body. That approach is neither healthy nor realistic. Instead, design a regimen of workouts that focuses on specific areas, and follow this plan until you eventually achieve your goals. Then you can work on other areas.

The same principle of focus applies when building personal strength. Don't try to improve too much all at once. The best approach is to pick one area that you feel needs work and consciously begin applying the behavior pattern in your work and life. It's the equivalent of "going to the gym," which requires a real desire to improve and a commitment to follow though with the workouts.

At the gym, it helps to have a personal trainer, someone to explain a proper workout, encourage you and remind you of what you should be doing. 

It would seem that this is where the analogy breaks down, because personal strength is a new topic and most life coaches aren't knowledgeable in this area. But my company's new product, ProStar Coach, is a virtual coaching service that focuses on building both leadership skills and personal strengths. Yes, it's really different. We just launched it the other day after more than two years of development, and we're excited! 

I know that not everyone goes to the gym, and not everyone will do workouts to build personal strength. But now there's a virtual gym for people who want to get stronger for life and work. 

And that's something nice for me to think about, sitting in the hot tub.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use photo purchased from istockphoto.com)

What Entertainers Can Tell Us about Personal Strength, Part II

The life and work of an entertainer involves a level of effort and sacrifice unknown to most of us. After a lifetime of that, they have plenty of stories to tell and lessons learned to share.

In the past I've shared words of wisdom of actors, songwriters and other entertainers. I didn't get past the Ds, so here's another dozen from my stash of quotes...

On DECISIVENESS - "You can tell any story 20 different ways. The trick is to pick one and go with it." - Clint Eastwood

On PASSION - "Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong." - Ella Fitzgerald

On SELF-ESTEEM - “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” - Judy Garland 

On EFFORT -  “I can get into higher and higher levels of not doing, and it’s good. And then I look forward to doing again, to working really hard at doing. It’s a great way to live.” - Gregory Hines

On INTEGRITY - “Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.” - Janis Joplin 

On AWARENESS - “Life is a great big canvas—throw all the paint on it you can.” - Danny Kaye 

On SELF-DISCIPLINE - “Getting your house in order and reducing the confusion gives you more control over your life. Personal organization somehow releases or frees you to operate more effectively.” - Larry King 

On SELF-DEVELOPMENT - "The beautiful thing about learning is that nobody can take it away from you." - B. B. King 

On FOCUS - "The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus." - Bruce Lee 

On COOPERATION - "I get by with a little help from my friends." - John Lennon 

On ACCOUNTABILITY - “If people were really to sit down and honestly look at themselves and the consequences of their actions, they would try to live their lives a lot differently.” - George Lucas

On GRATITUDE - "Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it." - Groucho Marx

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (1931 photo of Groucho Marx from Wikimedia, no known copyright.)

"Webb Creek" - A Story of Family Teamwork

In my last post I highlighted the five elements of a high-performing team, and I asserted that this was true not just of sports and business teams, but of families as well. Here's my story...

When Kathleen and I moved to the Texas Hill Country, our new home had no landscaping. Our acre was littered with tree shards and construction debris. On a limestone ridge the “soil” consists of mostly boulders, rocks and pebbles, with some clay mixed in. The bad news was that we were faced with two or three years of hard physical labor. The good news was that we could make it look anyway we wanted. My theory was that the land would tell us what to do. And that’s sort of what happened. 

That first spring we had a lot of rain. And since our home was built on the down-slope of a ridge, we watched as gullies formed in our yard. I soon realized that the land was telling us that we should transform these gullies into a dry creek bed. 

We needed to deepen and widen the gullies, link them into a drainage system, and extend it for about 100 feet across our back yard. Then we needed to gather an assortment of rocks from all over the property and place them along the edges. The final step would be to pour concrete and rocks into the base of the bed along its entire length. And oh yeah, make it look like Mother Nature had created it.

I had just started the project when Kathleen’s sister, Jane, came for a visit. She took a look at what I had done so far and said, “You shouldn’t do this by yourself. Let us help you. The whole family can come out next weekend and you can tell us what to do. It'll be fun.”

I tried to play that movie in my mind, and my mind was a blank. That’s always a bad sign. But I thought if I refused her generous offer I might hurt her feelings. So I told her, “You know, I really could use some help. Digging the trench is a lot more work than I thought it would be. If you guys can help me get that done, I can handle the rest of it.”

So the next weekend the Webb family showed up ready to work. We supplied the gloves, pick-axes, shovels, smoked beef brisket and cold drinks. Before long it became clear that some of us were needed to dig, some to gather rocks, and some to move dirt. Soon we were operating as a team. Everyone worked hard, and at the end of the day the dry creek bed had been dug. 

It took me about three more weeks to rearrange and embed the rocks into the sides of the gully. It was a labor of love, let me tell you. 

Later, when it came time to pour the concrete, I realized I couldn’t do it without help. So as I mixed the concrete in a wheelbarrow, Kathleen organized the rocks. Then, as I poured, she quickly placed the rocks in the concrete before it dried. Over a period of days we repeated this procedure about twenty times as we moved down the slope. A week later, the creek bed was completely dry and cured. Kathleen put in some border plants and later the family gathered to celebrate. 

We named the new feature “Webb Creek” to honor the team effort with Jane’s family.

Use your candle to light other candles, and you’ll create a bright light.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

The Teamwork Formula - Five Magic Questions

I enjoy working alone. In fact, on a typical business day I work at my computer in isolation all day long.

But that fact is misleading. I coordinate my work dozens of times a day with my coworkers through email, instant messaging, a private forum, and phone.

As I reflect on my life so far, I have to say that everything I’ve accomplished has been the result of a team effort. In fact, it’s hard to think of an example of anything noteworthy that’s accomplished strictly by an individual effort. I know it happens, but it’s certainly the exception.

I hear this all the time: You can get what you want by helping other people get what they want.

Author Brian Tracy put it this way:

“Teamwork is so important that is it virtually impossible for you to reach the heights of your capabilities or make the money that you want without becoming very good at it.”

But not all groups are very good at teamwork. Each person has personal goals and wants to succeed as an individual. The needs of the one can conflict with the needs of the many. With everything that a person has to do, it may not be so easy to keep the group perspective in mind, or to stay motivated to help the other members do their best.

I’m a big fan of basketball, and whenever I think about teamwork, the first image that comes to mind is that of five players moving in concert on a basketball court. I think of the Los Angeles Lakers in the Magic Johnson era, the Boston Celtics in the Larry Bird era, or the Chicago Bulls in the Michael Jordan era. Once I play that movie in my mind, the principles of team performance seem rather evident. In basketball, a team that brings superior teamwork and energy can usually defeat an opponent that has superior talent. And of course, the combination of teamwork, energy and talent is hard to beat.

What does it take for a group of people to function as a “high-performing team?” Consider these questions:

1. Does the group have a meaningful purpose that the members relate to?
2. Have the members been assigned roles that are key to team success?
3. Do each of the members do their jobs with high levels of skill and effort?
4. Do they keep each other informed, share resources and help each other when needed?
5. Have they formed a bond through common effort, adversity and achievement? 

Of course, team sports is an easy example. But these questions can apply to any group effort, even to that of a family. Yes, a family! The story...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., , Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use the above photo purchased from istockphoto.com.)

Never Give Up, Part V - Björn Borg in the 1980 Wimbledon

In any difficult enterprise, things can go wrong. 

When that happens, it's like a body blow that brings you to your knees. I've experienced this several times during the past 25 years. If it's happened to you, then you know that everything depends on not giving up. Persevere, and you keep the door open. Stay in the game, and you give yourself a chance to succeed.

I've learned this lesson vicariously, too, dozens of times as I witnessed astonishing examples of grit in sports. I've shared some of these stories in the past...

Never Give Up, Part I - Leonard and Hearns "Showdown" in 1981

Never Give Up, Part II - The NC State Wolfpack's 1983 National Championship

Never Give Up, Part III - The Boston Red Sox Win the 2004 World Series

Never Give Up, Part IV - Michael Jordan in the 1997 NBA Finals

Now, one from the world of pro tennis. One of the most amazing examples of an athlete who refused to quit was the 1980 Wimbledon final between Björn Borg and John McEnroe, often cited as the best Wimbledon final every played.

McEnroe started strong, winning the first set. But Borg won the next two sets and was about to win the third decisive set. He had McEnroe down 5-4, but McEnroe saved 5 match points to make it 5-5. Although Borg survived 6 set points, after a 22-minute tie-breaker McEnroe eventually won the set to even the match at two sets each. McEnroe's perseverance was a huge setback for Borg. Only one point from victory, now the match was even.

In the fifth set, McEnroe had stolen the momentum. He seemed to be cruising to victory, and he was about to break Borg's serve, 15-40.

But then it was Borg's turn to refuse to give up. He dug deep and reeled off 19 straight points on serve to win the set and the match, his fifth consecutive Wimbledon victory.

Never give up.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use photo purchased from istock.photo.com)

The Personal Strength of Perseverance - Mark Victor Hansen Talks about "Chicken Soup for the Soul"

The manuscript for the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book, co-authored by Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, was rejected by 123 publishers before a small press decided to take a chance. It's amazing that so many publishers didn't see the appeal of the book. And it's amazing that the authors persisted! To date, the Chicken Soup book series has sold more than 150 million books. It's an inspiring story of perseverance, and you'll enjoy hearing about it from Mark Victor Hansen himself.

1976: I Begin a New Learning Journey

It was the winter of 1976, and I was an Army captain stationed in Germany. That would make it, um...34 years ago - an interesting time of life for me. Later that summer, my wife and I went to London to celebrate the U.S. Bicentennial. That fall, I submitted my dissertation on John Cheever to my faculty adviser at Duke University.

But as I say, it was winter, and as Chief of Human Resources for the 32nd Air Defense Command, I went to Munich to attend a four-week facilitator certification course. My goal was to absorb the material so that I could teach what I learned to the drug and alcohol and equal opportunity program managers throughout the command.

I was in for a surprise...

The course was more about skill-building than about knowledge-learning: listening, giving feedback, and facilitating group process. And during the four weeks, there was ample time for practice. I actually learned how to apply the skills.

Back then, the idea that interpersonal skills were important to organizational development was an outside-the-box notion. I didn't even know such skills existed. I realized immediately how powerful they were and how essential they were to leadership. I remember how excited I was after the course. I stayed up all night telling my wife about what I had learned, even introducing her to some of the skills.

Today, my work is about helping people improve the behavior patterns that make them stronger for the challenges of life and work. What skills and personal strengths are essential? What does it take to ingrain these skills?

As I look back on it, I think about how unlikely it was that such a course had been developed for the Army. And how fortunate for me that I was able to attend. It was a major turning point in my professional life. Pumped up by one epiphany after another, I began a lifelong journey of asking these questions and passing the answers along to anyone who wanted to know.

Seduced by Wisdom - A Love Story

Kathleen and I were married in 1996. Afterwards, she liked to joke to her friends that she seduced me with fine wine.
 

There was some truth to this. Everyone who knew her understood that wine was one of her passions. To her, wine was more than a beverage. It was a multi-layered sensory experience. And she loved learning about it. Every region, every grape, every winery, every year is different, and she wanted to know about everything related to wine. When she talked about it, both sides of her brain kicked in at the same time and she was beside herself with enthusiasm.
 
Her love of wine began about 25 years ago. She and the younger of her two sisters were professional women living together in Houston. One Christmas Kathleen decided to give her sister a series of wine-tasting classes conducted by a boutique wine shop. Kathleen attended with her, and they both loved it. They discovered the world of wine, met wine-makers and wine distributors; and they made friends with the shop owner and other students.
 
They took more courses and their knowledge grew. They got together with their new wine friends for wine-related social events. They even went to the California “Wine Country.” When Kathleen moved to Miami, she found a more international wine community. She attended wine-tastings there and made a new circle of wine friends.

Once when we were courting, Kathleen spread a tablecloth on the dock outside her condo on the Biscayne Bay. She made a wonderful salad, which we ate as the sunset illuminated the water and the clouds in an indescribable display of light. As it grew dark, she lighted candles and we drank a 1994 Benziger merlot. It was lovely, and I was happy. Perhaps this is what she meant by seduction by wine.

On another occasion she took me out to dinner at the courtyard restaurant in the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables. It was one of the fanciest restaurants in Miami. We were seated next to a gorgeous fountain, no doubt according to her request. She ordered a bottle of Grgich Hills cabernet. The dinner was wonderful, and I have fond memories of being treated like royalty. And she paid the tab.

Yes, the wine was fabulous, but that’s not really what seduced me. What did it for me was the life wisdom. One of our daily rituals was to sit on her back porch and watch the sun go down. She would get real quiet and seem to be totally absorbed in the beauty of the moment. At a certain point, her eyes would fill with tears. 

“Sunsets really move you,” I remember saying.

“Beauty rests the mind,” she replied.

Then there was the time when we were sitting on the edge of the dock and a baby stingray shot straight up five feet out of the water. It did a somersault and fell back in. Without skipping a beat, Kathleen said, “If you’re not there when the miracle happens, you won’t see it.”

She had an engaging way of telling stories. She would begin somewhere in the middle and tell everything out of time sequence. Afterwards I’d try to piece it together chronologically to make sure I got it right. I was impressed that her way of telling stories was more entertaining than mine, and I once asked her how she came to be such a good storyteller. She replied, “Stories invent themselves, every day.”

Now, fourteen years later, she has abandoned her banking career and writes mystery novels full-time.

To me, wisdom is a lot more dizzying than wine. I just woke up one day and realized I couldn’t live without her.
 
Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

The Personal Strength of Rationality - Think Before You Act

I read in the newspaper about a San Antonio man who shot his friend to death outside a bar. Apparently the friend owed him money and refused to pay. When their argument got physical, they were asked to leave. Out in the parking lot, one of the men pulled out a gun and fired twice at the other. His friend died at the scene.

Although violent and shocking, the story sounded familiar—the kind of thing that happens in a big city. On the other hand, I found it difficult to imagine the mindset of someone who would do that. One moment the young man was angry, the next moment his friend was dead, and he was in a police car headed towards a trial and a possible death sentence—or life in prison, if he’s lucky.  His life was ruined.

What was he thinking? The answer is that he probably wasn’t thinking much at all. He was reacting emotionally without letting the rational part of his mind help him decide what to do. And I thought: maybe thinking rationally isn’t one of his strengths.

When I was a young man I wasn’t as rational as I am now. People who know me might be surprised at that statement. I was never like the young man with the gun. Far from it. I was the top student in my class from the first grade all the way through high school. Even as a youth I had good reasoning abilities.

But I also had the mind and heart of a poet. I wrote poetry in high school and was the editor of the literary magazine. I had a romantic, idealistic frame of mind. Later, at West Point, I published a few poems. My English professors were so impressed that after graduation they arranged for me to get a degree in English at Duke University and return to West Point to teach. At Duke, my poems were published regularly in the literary journal and one of them won the annual Academy of American Poets poetry prize. While teaching English at West Point, I co-authored a book of poems. It’s who I was back then.

I recall an earlier incident as a cadet that made me realize I needed to work harder on my ability to think before I act. During my second year I had a Sunday date with a charming young woman. As we walked along the Hudson River, I was so enthralled with her that I lost track of time and missed the required formation for supper. I had plenty of time to think about that during the coming month, when I reported for inspection and two-hour marching sessions during the weekends, instead of spending more time with my lady friend.

West Point and my subsequent 20-year career in the Army were good for me that way. My duties required me to exercise logic so often that the pattern became a true strength. I feel that today my right brain and my left brain sing a two-part harmony from the same sheet of music. I’m as reasonable, analytical and strategic as I ever hope to be. And while I’m even more passionate and creative than ever, I exercise these strengths mostly to help others.

In almost everything we do, life engages our emotions. So it’s not always easy to be rational. But exercising that strength can help you get what you want. It can even save your life.

I’m reminded of the story of a friend of mine. She’s passionate and spontaneous, but she’s trained her mind to be logical as well. When I knew her, she had a Ph.D. in nutrition and made a good living consulting as an expert witness in trials where evidence related to nutrition was needed.

When she was about forty, she and her husband adopted a little girl. Knowing that several women in her family had died from breast cancer, she feared that she carried a gene that could cause her to develop breast cancer herself. She wanted to be sure that she was there for her child’s growing up years, so she decided to have a double mastectomy to eliminate the possibility altogether. 

While her decision was rational, a lot of women might consider it unthinkable. But my friend’s judgment proved correct. After the operation, the doctors found cancer in both breasts. While it was in the very early stage, if she had kept her breasts her worst fears would have come to pass.

How does one become more rational? According to Aristotle, one becomes more rational by thinking rational thoughts. Yes, it helps to learn to play chess, read more and work crossword and Sudoku puzzles. But I think the best learning opportunities have to do with decisions. Think about the consequences of various courses of actions. What are the risks? What are the rewards? What are the costs? What are the benefits? Spontaneity is fine, but if you can make yourself think things through before you take action, your ability to think and act rationally will get stronger.

Here's another Fortune Cookie for you...

Pay attention to what reason teaches, or she'll rap you on the knuckles.

More Fortune Cookies...

The story behind the Fortune Cookies...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use photo purchased from Istockphoto.com)

Personal Strength for Adult Life - Heavy Thoughts on Prom Night

It was Saturday night, and Kathleen and I were sipping wine with Amie on the lawn of the Huisache Grill in New Braunfels, Texas. Amie was visiting from Jacksonville, Florida, and we were catching up on the four years since we’d last seen each other.

All around us were teenagers dressed in tuxes and gowns, beaming with the self-conscious excitement of senior prom.

I tried to remember when I was that young. My prom was at the Stuttgart Officer's Club. We were all "brats," children of service families living in Germany. It was a great prom for me, for three reasons. First, my date that night was Belle, the brilliant, beautiful young woman who had captured my attention back then. Second, I had an appointment to West Point, which fulfilled a boyhood dream. I had a good idea of what was in store for me during the next four years. And -- this is the cool part -- Jerry Lee Lewis performed at our prom that night. I guess he was on tour in Germany at the time and it was convenient for him to do a set at the club. If you know anything about Jerry Lee Lewis, you know that his performance was amazing, something I'll never forget. I'll also never forget that Belle thought he was disgusting. Maybe it was the song about "great balls of fire." I don't know.

My graduating class was small -- it had fewer than 100 seniors. And Stuttgart wasn't a home town to any of us. Germany was a temporary home we would all leave and to which we’d never return. So we had our commencement, said our goodbyes, and each of us began very different life journeys back in the U.S. I eventually lost contact with Belle, and I never saw her again.

The teenagers at the Huisache behaved with reserve and decorum. What were they thinking about? My guess is that they were focused on looking good and having a good time while not making fools of themselves on their big night.

Certainly they weren’t thinking about the hard work, adversity and striving that are a part of making a life and achieving dreams. The two women seated next to me had plenty of stories to tell about that.

That evening, Kathleen was explaining to Amie what it was like to learn how to write a novel. She had a successful career as a banker, but after recovering from cancer she decided that she didn't want to continue doing that anymore. She wanted to write mystery novels, even though she had never written so much as a short story in her life. One essential qualification she did have, though. She loved mystery novels. She had read over a thousand of them, and she understood the genre. If there were such a thing as a Ph.D. in Mystery Novels, she had already earned it. But shifting gears like that late in life to master a difficult craft isn't easy.

Amie's life had been challenging, too. When we left Florida, she had her hands full with a bright eleven-year-old who had an undiagnosed attention disorder and a seven-year-old who had an undiagnosed learning disorder. Her husband traveled six days out of seven for business and there were marital conflicts. On top of that, her mother developed serious health problems and Amie made regular road trips to be with her.

Since we’d seen each other, Amie’s mother passed away, her marriage ended, and the boys are being treated and are in the right schools. Her life is much less stressful.

As the pre-prom group filed into the restaurant, an emergency vehicle pulled out of the garage across the railroad tracks, warning lights flashing and siren wailing. Life is perilous. Everything we hope for demands the best personal strength we have. Standing at the doorway to these dreams and challenges, these young people were near the end of a priceless opportunity to build a lot of the personal strength they'd need for the challenges ahead.

None of them seemed to be thinking about this sort of thing. Good for them. This was a time to celebrate. There would be plenty of time later to find out about the heavy lifting of adult life.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (2004 photo by Andre Karwath, used with permission from Wikimedia)

Israel Kamakawio'ole's Medley of Hope and Vision

I first heard the song "Over the Rainbow" when I was a small boy over half a century ago. My father had just left to serve in Korea, and I was filled with unfamiliar emotions. I was lying in bed when I heard the song playing on the television, and I was surprised when I was moved to tears. I think I needed to believe something hopeful could be somewhere over the rainbow. Now, of course, when I hear this wonderful medley, the same emotional associations come back. That's how the brain works, and that's how I react. Maybe that's why I like this medley so much.



By the way, for those of you who don't know, Israel Kamakawio'ole was a huge celebrity on the islands until his death 12 years ago...

Duty Officer's Log - A Poem

Today I feel like digressing from my usual posts about the many facets of personal strength. Today, a poem.

If you've followed this blog, you know that in a previous life I was a career Army officer. I may have also mentioned along the way that I wrote poetry as a young man. Some of it was published. I continued to write poetry even during my assignment to the English Department at West Point in the early 1970s.

Shortly after that, I gave it up. It was a time of change and confusion in American culture, and poetry seemed to be losing its way as an art form. Back then, you could write anything, arrange it in lines and people would uncritically accept it as poetry. In fact, it was considered politically incorrect to declare that someone's heartfelt composition was or was not poetry. And now after decades of this "anything goes" approach to art, it seems to me that poetry is now dead. No one publishes it. No one buys it. And no one reads it. Except the poets themselves, that is. And of course all those people who still write brief expressions arranged in lines and think of it as poetry.

Don't get me started or I might tell you what I really think.

One of the last poems I wrote back then was an experiment in form. I called it "Duty Officer's Log." For those of you who aren't familiar with how the military works, the duty officer is the official representative of the commander after hours. The responsibility rotates among commissioned officers on staff. The duty officer takes his post in the headquarters, where he spends the night, ready to handle whatever comes up. In my past life as a career Army officer, I pulled my share of tours.

When I wrote this poem many years ago, I wanted the subject matter to direct the form. The structure was suggested by the duty officer's log itself, an official paper form with spaces to make a record of what happens during the night.

DUTY OFFICER'S LOG

1. The Duty Officer sits alone in an empty headquarters building.

2. He waits for the phone to ring.

3. He waits in dread of urgent messages, threats against silence.

4. The Duty Officer makes entries in his log.

5. While performing his duties, he listens to the evening news.

6. The President is in Martinique holding talks.

7. The Russians have violated the Arms Agreement.

8. A family of four has been murdered.

9. A topless dancer has been arrested for dancing bottomless.

10. A multi-billionaire has agreed to testify in court.

11. No explanation is offered for any of these events.

12. The Duty Officer is responsible for security.

13. He boards the elevator, rides it down, down.

14. He has forgotten there are so many depths.

15. When the door opens, he does not recognize the dim, lifeless halls.

16. But the Duty Officer means business.

17. He looks into every corner.

18. He tests every door.

19. He extinguishes every light on his way back to the elevator.

20. The Duty Officer turns the final corner and senses that he is lost.


Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Habits That Threaten Your Health - Do You Have the Commitment to Change?

I’ve written here and elsewhere about how hard it is to break a habit and establish new behavior patterns. This is particularly true when it comes to changing health habits, like losing weight and quitting smoking. For example, two-thirds of Americans are overweight, a condition that endangers their health. It’s revealing to discover why in spite of the health risks, so many people don’t do anything about it.

Twenty-five years ago, psychologists James O. Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente wanted to know why overweight people, alcoholics, smokers and others had such a hard time changing their health habits, even when their health was in danger. The answer was simple. A change like that means altering lifelong patterns that are reinforced by powerful needs. That kind of change requires a lot of commitment. You have to be psychologically ready for it, and many people aren’t.

Based on their research, they developed what has come to be known as the "Transtheoretical Model of Change," which is now widely used in health behavior change programs. The model describes five stages of readiness. 

Stage 1 - Precontemplation. You’re in denial. Even if you have a serious health problem, you don’t believe it and you resist any information that contradicts your belief. You may not appreciate how grave the consequences really are, or you may have already tried to change and have given up. Whatever the reason, at this point you have no commitment to change.

Stage 2 - Contemplation. You recognize that you have a problem, and now you’re concerned enough about your health that your commitment to change is growing. You’d like to make a change sometime in the future, and you’ve started learning more about your condition. You’re weighing the costs of change, but at this point you haven’t made up your mind.

Stage 3 - Preparation. Maybe your habit has started to cause problems, or maybe your doctor scared you with straight talk. Your commitment is now strong enough that you’ve taken preliminary steps such as seeing a doctor, setting goals, checking out your options and deciding what you want to do. You plan to start a serious program in the very near future.

Stage 4 - Action. You’re fully committed and carrying out your program to create new health habits. You monitor your progress and continue working towards your goal. When you have setbacks, you deal with them, make adjustments and get back on track.

Stage 5 - Maintenance. You have already achieved your goal. You’re committed to making the change permanent. As you continue making a conscious effort to establish new health habits, you gain confidence and have fewer setbacks.

 It also illustrates that a setback doesn’t mean failure, but is rather a predictable part of the process. You can get back on track and keep moving forward until you have enough commitment to succeed.  

And it aligns nicely with Maslow's model of behavior change. The "Precontemplation" stage is equivalent to "unconscious incompetence"...you don't know that you need to change. "Contemplation" and "Preparation" relate to "conscious incompetence"...you know you have a problem, but you haven't started the work on it yet. The fourth stage, "Action" is the same as "conscious competence," in which you're actively applying the new behavior pattern, but it hasn't become an automatic behavior pattern yet. That happens in the final stage, "Maintenance," is parallel with unconscious competence," in which you enjoy the new behavior pattern and refine it throughout life.

Both models affirm that changing a health habit takes a lot of work, and being able to assess your level of commitment helps people determine whether they're ready for something like this. They can what it will take to move forward. It helps people appreciate that changing a health habit is a journey, not a single event. 


Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (License to use the above photo purchased from istockphoto.com)

The Personal Strength of Optimism - Found Money

I love optimism! 

One reason - Right now I'm trying really hard to hit a home run in my business, and I know I can't do that without being optimistic. 

Plus, optimism is related to realism - a major theme in my life. My definition of optimism is the ability to see realistically BOTH the downsides AND the upsides.

And one more reason. Optimism manifests itself in so many different forms. Some of them are surprising and cool.

Like my friends Ron and Eileen. For gosh knows how long they've had a family tradition of looking for and collecting "found money." I was reminded of this when Ron and I were at a rest stop in Tennessee. I noticed him checking all the vending machines for change accidentally left behind. Also at that stop, he found a penny on the floor directly under a urinal.  

To assure readers that Ron diligently practices safe collection, I'm including Ron's verbatim account: "I picked up the penny under the urinal with a clean paper towel and presented it to Eileen wrapped in the towel. Once home, we dumped the penny directly from the towel into the sink and ran hot soapy water over it and scrubbed it with a 'throw-away' sponge. After a thorough rinsing with clean tap water, only then did I pick up the now whistle-clean penny with my bare fingers, dried it, and presented it to Eileen again -- with an explanation of the cleansing process I had taken." 

They are SERIOUS about found money. How serious?

Well, they put all the money they find under theater seats, in parking lots and other places in a piggy bank. Actually, by now it's an entire ARMY of piggy banks. When one bank gets full, they get another one, cooler than the ones before. 

I engaged both sides of my brain to rough-calculate how much moolah is stashed in these porcelain pigs. I figured several hundred dollars. And that doesn't count the inevitable old and rare coins, which are worth more than face value.

Of course the true worth of this lucrative habit goes beyond money. Clearly, it's symbolic of how they live their life. These heavy, coin-laden pigs are an expression of the way they value the small things in life along with the big things. They "treasure" things, rather than discount them. Life has its regular surprises - some awful, some wonderful. They acknowledge, affirm and save these little positive surprises.

Here's another Fortune Cookie for you (do you save them?)...

Acknowledge a thing’s value, and it will add meaning to your life.

 More Fortune Cookies...

The story behind the Fortune Cookies...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (Photo by my wife, Kathleen Scott. Used with permission.)

What Entertainers Can Tell Us about Personal Strength - 13 Quotes

I've been collecting quotes about personal strength since 1972. One thing I've learned is this: wisdom comes from everywhere! No one group of people - philosophers, for example - have a lock on wisdom. 

In the past, I've posted some of my favorite quotes from athletes, scientists, novelists, and proverbs. Today, I turn to entertainers. An unlikely group to focus on for wisdom? Not so fast. Being a world-class entertainer is a grueling business, involving types of adversity that we have difficulty imagining. And I've discovered that entertainers, looking back on their experience, have plenty to say. And we would benefit from listening.

An initial scan of my database uncovered these quotes from 13 entertainers on 13 different topics. And I didn't even get past the Ds...

On FAIRNESS - “Here’s my golden rule for a tarnished age: Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they’re fair with you.” - Alan Alda

On OPTIMISM - “It is clear the future holds opportunities—it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to seize the opportunities, avoid the pitfalls, and get back home by 6:00.” - Woody Allen
 
On CREATIVITY - “Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.” - Lauren Bacall

On SELF-ESTEEM - "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball

On GRATITUDE - “Do not worry about whether or not the sun will rise. Be prepared to enjoy it.” - Pearl Bailey

On INITIATIVE - "Action is the antidote to despair." - Joan Baez

On SELF-DEVELOPMENT - "I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out. That’s when I’ve really learned." - Carol Burnett

On EFFORT - "My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day." - Johnny Carson

On PERSEVERANCE - "I'd like people to know that you can recover from life adversity. You don't have to give up because you've been down a lot of times." - Ray Charles

On LOYALTY - “It’s easy to be loyal when you’re on top of the wave and things are going very well. The test is when they’re not.” - George Clooney

On SELF-DISCIPLINE - "Historically, those people that did not discipline themselves had discipline thrust upon them from the outside."- Alistair Cooke

On SELF-CONFIDENCE - “I was thought to be ‘stuck up.’ I wasn’t. I was just sure of myself.” - Bette Davis

On AWARENESS - "If you want to keep your memories, you first have to live them."- Bob Dylan
 
Leave a comment if you enjoyed these! I have plenty more quotes from entertainers...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (1990 photo of Ray Charles by Alan Light, used with permission under terms of Creative Commons Attribution 2.0, Wikimedia Commons)

The Personal Strength of Honesty - Your Credibility Depends On It

The other day my wife was telling me stories about her time as a young commercial banker in Houston in the 1980s. Oil prices had fallen drastically, so her client portfolio consisted mostly of “work-out projects”—finding ways to help businesses repay loans before they defaulted. It was a stressful time.

She worked for a small community bank run by the founder. When she took over the portfolio, she reviewed the loans and discovered one that should never have been made in the first place. Her recommendation was to downgrade the loan, require additional sources of repayment and establish a timetable for repayment. She gave the chairman a list of actions needed to qualify the loan for renewal. 

When he told her to renew it as it was, she stood her ground. Otherwise, she’d have to tell the committee that the loan was acceptable as it stood, which wasn’t true. 

The chairman was upset and renewed the loan anyway. Several months later, a team of bank examiners questioned her about the loan. They told her the chairman said she was the one who approved it. She was outraged and produced her copy of the list of requirements she had given to him.
 
A few weeks later, he was fired.
 
Back then my wife was single, and she dated an attractive, intelligent young man who shared many of her interests, such as photography and running. The relationship looked promising.
 
One day he was showing her a stack of recent photos he’d taken. At the bottom of the stack was a picture of a woman’s hands holding an engagement ring.
 
She asked about the ring and the woman holding it. Looking at the floor, he said, “It’s my fiancé.”
 
Shocked, she replied, “But you said you weren’t married.”
 
“I’m not.”
 
“Are you going to marry her?”
 
“Yes, some day.”
 
My wife realized that she had been told a half-truth, which is just as insidious as a lie. “Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged?”
 
He mumbled his excuses, and she realized he had a serious character flaw and couldn’t be trusted. The relationship was over.
 
And so it goes.
 
Every time you open your mouth you have an opportunity to either give true, accurate information or misrepresent the truth in some way. You could leave out an embarrassing fact. You could make the truth seem better than it really is. You could say things that aren’t true, in hopes that the fabrication will give you a better chance of getting you what you want. 

The truth about the untrue…

• Dishonesty does damage. 
• You are the first to be damaged. You lose self-esteem every time you tell a lie. It’s automatic. You know you lied. You know you’re a person who tells lies.
• The people you lie to are hurt because they’ve made commitments based on false information.
• If you tell a lie, you have to maintain it. You have to keep track of what you said and tell follow-up lies to support your story. You have to remember those lies, too. Which is terribly difficult to do. Most of the time, lies are discovered. People eventually learn the truth.
• All relationships are based on trust. Without the trust of the people around you, you have nothing. When they find out you’ve deceived them, they’ll stop trusting you. They’ll believe that if you lied once, you’ll probably do it again. And they’re right. It could take years to earn someone’s trust, but you’ll lose it in a single moment of betrayal.

The other day my wife asked me, “Wasn’t that the best coconut cake you ever had in your life?”
 
Well now. Was it? Actually, I had a piece of coconut cake a couple months ago, and it was pretty awesome. Was this better? Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. But I knew what I should say.
 
“This is quite definitely the best coconut cake I’ve ever had,” I said.
 
You see, my wife wasn’t asking for the truth. She was asking for praise. She had worked hard to make this cake special, so I told her what she wanted and needed to hear. And my spirit was right. I loved the cake. It was wonderful.
 
Every individual has to make these judgments. Yes, it can be tricky. But knowing what to say is actually not that hard. Do people need and expect the truth from you? If so, give it to them.
 
Every time.

A Fortune Cookie...

Always tell the truth, and you won’t have to keep track of your lies.

 More Fortune Cookies...

The story behind the Fortune Cookies...

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Conscious Personal Strength - Self-Awareness and Proaction

I recently posted about an incident that happened to me at the San Antonio airport after Kathleen and I returned from Nashville. My thoughts have returned to this incident several times since. I've learned that when that happens, something's going on in my brain and I should check it out.

In summary, here's what happened. I was confronted with a bit of everyday adversity. But before I reacted, I focused on my feelings, my thoughts and my behavior. I asked myself which personal strength behavior patterns I should engage to be effective in that situation. 

Yes, I really am a walk-my-talk kind of guy; and yes, I talk and write a LOT about personal strength. But you wanna know something? I've never done this before. I've never consciously and proactively created an intention to exercise specific personal strengths and then followed through. Typically, I just try to do the right thing, keying off ingrained personal strength behavior patterns.

I guess my brain keeps coming back to this incident because the results were positive. I've concluded that this kind of self-awareness and conscious action are an intelligent way to behave in challenging situations.

I'm aware, though, that this isn't the way most people behave. Most people aren't self-aware and self-analyzing while they go about their business. They just do what they feel they have to do without a whole lot of analysis. Which really is the way to go when your goal is enjoyment. But maybe there's a lot to be said for consciously managing your thoughts and behavior in difficult situations - to increase your chances of doing the right thing.

So today when I should have been taking a nap, here's what I was thinking. One of the things that makes human beings unique from other animals is our prefrontal cortex, which comprises
25% of the thinking part of our brain. It's the part of the brain that two and two together to determine "what things mean" - how things relate, why, cause-and-effect, reasoning, and planning. Other mammals have limited prefrontal cortex, though it's not organized by language or logic. Cats have about 3% prefrontal cortex. Chimpanzees have nearly 10%. The vast human potential for this kind of thinking separates us from all other creatures, which rely largely on instinct to take action.

Stephen Covey focuses on this uniqueness in a remarkable video clip. He suggests that instead of being driven by stimulus-response, humans are capable of stimulus-analysis-response - a HUGE difference. In short, we can think before we act, which is what I was doing at the airport. 

Actually, I was doing something more than that. I was thinking about how I should think. I was managing how I should analyze my situation. I started by being self-aware. What am I feeling right now? What am I thinking? What's important? What should I do? Not just how to solve my problem. But how should I behave while solving my problem?

It occurred to me that while we have a word for the stimulus-response way of acting - "reaction" - we don't have a word that represents the stimulus-analysis-response way of acting. Well, I think it's an important enough aspect of life to warrant its own word. So to do my part to promote and nurture this part of our human potential, I hereby coin a new, much-needed word - "proaction" (pronounced pro-action). It means consciously intended, planned action. Stimulus-analysis-response. It's related to another word: "proactivity," which I've been using for years, meaning the tendency to plan ahead  before taking action.

Now that I have this cool new word, I can more easily talk about what I'm trying to do on this blog. I'm trying to encourage people to exercise proaction, to think about the concepts of personal strength as they go about their daily life. Consciously intended action will help them repeatedly exercise the right personal strength behavior pattern until it becomes an ingrained habit.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (Photo by Thomas Lersch, granted permission to use under GNU Free Documentation License from Wikimedia Commons.)

The Personal Strength of Optimism - I Can See Clearly Now...

Optimism is the ability to achieve a balanced perspective in spite of having to deal with adversity—to see the upsides along with the downsides, the advantages along with the disadvantages, the opportunities along with the challenges. I love this song because I thrilled to it in my youth, and it inspires such a wonderful spirit of optimism.



I know you have to deal with challenges all the time. It seems to be part of what's involved in having a life and pursuing dreams. And the the more we dream, it seems the more we experience mistakes, frustrations, failure and loss.

But don't let this blind you to your strengths, your resources, your relationships, your knowledge and skills, the opportunities out there waiting for you to pursue them, the simple pleasures of your life. When adversity visits again, let your negative reaction dissipate, and take another good look at what you have going for you. See it clearly.

The Personal Strength of Self-Development: Rackspace's Dynamic CEO, Lanham Napier

Monday we arrived home from Nashville, and we were greeted by our three cats, a pile of mail, and a pile of newspapers. My wife went straight to the Sunday (May 2, 2010) edition of the San Antonio Express-News, to see if her new article was published in the Travel section. 

"You need to read this," she said. She was referring to a front page article by staff writer David Saleh Rauf, entitled, "Business Whiz Has Rackspace Rocking." It was about Lanham Napier, CEO of San Antonio company Rackspace, which sells websites and web-based services. It's a fast-growing company with revenues approaching $1 billion. Napier himself was recently included in Forbes' "15 most powerful CEOs under 40."

My next-door neighbor is a manager at Rackspace, so I continued reading. I wanted to know how Napier became such a successful CEO.

Before long, I got my answer. After graduating from Rice University, he got a job as an investment banker. But his real passion was to grow a company himself. Later, as an MBA student at Harvard, he called Silver Ventures, a San Antonio venture capital firm owned by Pace Foods. He wanted to be an intern. "Just hire me as your apprentice," he told them. "If I'm an idiot, you can fire me." He got the internship, and after graduation he stayed on as an employee there.

His Harvard classmates, who sought jobs at big consulting firms and investment banks, thought he was crazy. But Napier had something else in mind. He wasn't done learning. "What a priceless education," he said. "If you want to be a business nerd and go learn from the masters, that's what I got."

So there was my answer. He invested in his own development. He did what Jim Rohn once famously advised: "Work harder on yourself than you do on your job."

In 2000 he accepted a job as CFO at start-up Rackspace. Six months later, he was promoted to President. His visionary and energetic leadership helped the company grow, and in 2006 he became CEO.

What's remarkable to me is that his a passion to build a business was so intense that instead of following the traditional path to success, he risked everything and worked hard to gain the knowledge and skills he needed to pursue his dream.

Thank you, David, for your fine article. A very nice welcome-home, indeed.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Conscious Personal Strengths for Dead Batteries and Floods

Torrential rains and street flooding kept us from the Nashville airport Sunday, so we returned to San Antonio a day late. And our plane was a half-hour behind schedule. Otherwise, the flight was pleasant and uneventful, and our luggage was waiting for us at the baggage claim carousel.

On the way to our car, we stopped at a validation machine to prepay our parking fee with a credit card. We tried several times, but the machine appeared to be broken. We tried the machine next to it, with the same result. The sun was about to set, and I was tired and eager to get home. I could feel my patience wearing thin.

After we found our car, we were surprised to find that the battery was dead. The battery had been checked a couple weeks ago, and it tested out fine. My first thought was to call AAA. Kathleen suggested that airport security might be able to give us a jump. That sounded like a good idea; they probably have to deal with this problem several times a day.

As we walked back to the terminal, I felt distressed and unhappy. We should have been on our way home by now. It was frustrating to have to deal with this. Why was the battery dead? Would we be able to find a security officer? Would he be able to help us?

I think about personal strength several hours a day. It's my passionate interest. So naturally I began to wonder which strengths I should be exercising to deal with this situation. Composure, to keep my emotions under control and remain calm. It was a small problem after all, and it would be a mistake to make a big deal out of it. Decisiveness, to do the right thing at the right time. Patience, to allow the problem solving process to take its course. And forgiveness, to avoid blaming myself or Kathleen for the dead battery. I consciously made an effort to engage these strengths. 

When we arrived curbside in front of the terminal, an officer on a bicycle greeted us. "You folks look lost. Do you need help?" I explained our situation, and he said, "I'll call a service vehicle. He'll be there in a few minutes. Do you need a lift back to the car?" 

We opted to walk back, and a minute after we returned a small truck with a flashing yellow light approached us. He had our car started in a few minutes, and we were on our way.

It was an interesting way to end our vacation. In retrospect, the incident reinforced two lessons:

1. In a challenging situation, it helps to engage specific personal strengths in a conscious way. 

2. Sometimes not one, but a cluster of strengths are needed to deal with a situation.

Life happens, and we deal with it. Back in Nashville, the home of a cousin flooded the day before when 18 inches of rain caused a nearby creek to overflow its banks. They suffered heavy losses. They would need to be strong, too. A lot stronger than I needed to be in my relatively trivial situation. They'll be dealing with their challenge for a long time.

 Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength . (Photo by Kathleen Scott, used with permission.)

With Creativity You Can Face Any Problem

I've been a manager for over 40 years. In that time, I've had to face a lot of problems. Some of these would more aptly be called disasters. But in every single case, what we did to recover and move on turned out to be superior to the path we were on before things went south.

That's 100% of the time, we ended up in better shape than if the problems had never happened. 

Now, I'm not inviting more problems. No, sir. We have our hands full with the challenges that pop up each day, thank you very much. And then of course there's the biggie, the inevitable Surprise of the Week.

But I am affirming the power of creativity. Once my rice bowl is shattered, I have to come up with something to replace it. Another rice bowl, or...something else entirely. Something better.

Most people associate creativity with the arts. But to me, creativity is a power tool for everything in life. Also, I think it's nonsense that only gifted people can be creative. I believe that anyone can be creatiive. Coming up with a new way to do something is simply one of the things any normal human brain can do.

It helps to approach problem solving with an open mind, to be willing to consider alternative ways of doing things.

The classic technique is called "brainstorming," which is nothing more than setting aside fifteen or twenty minutes when criticism or judgments aren't allowed. Write down as many ideas as you can, regardless of their practical merit. You can evaluate them later.

It also helps to consider lots of ideas. As novelist John Steinbeck said, "Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." Which is cool, because the first creative thought you have is rarely the most useful one.

And ask the people around you for their ideas. You might hear something you can work with. Maybe not the way it was originally suggested to you, but with a little work...

One trick I use is to look at how people in vastly different activities approach similar challenges. For example, if I wanted to improve the main page on our web site, I might ask how other industries try to make a good first impression. Such as rock stars, for example. They rely on celebrity buzz, album covers and warm-up acts to set up their customers for maximum enjoyment. So I ask, how could we do something like that on our website? Not that this technique always gives us the right solution, but it stimulates our thinking. Gets both feet outside the box.

Be ready for resistance. If you believe in an idea, be ready to champion it. As creativity expert E. Paul Torrance once said, "It takes courage to be creative. Just as soon as you have an idea, you're in a minority of one."

INSIGHT - You have the power to be creative, to look at your problem in a new way and think of novel solutions.

ACTION - The next time you're faced with a difficult challenge, consider taking a different approach. It might be something like how to deal with a disruptive, emotional individual who makes the town meeting so difficult that no one wants to be a part of it.

Make a list of at least 15 ways of dealing with your problem. Consider some of the recommendations above to write down as many approaches as you can. Have fun with it. If you can, get suggestions from other people. Then pick one or two that seem interesting, and use your imagination to improve them.

Like anything else, if you do this kind of thing often enough, it will become a habit. If you know you can think creatively anytime you want, you'll be amazed at what this will do for your self-confidence!

          "The world of reality has its limits; the world of
          imagination is boundless."
               - Jean-Jacques Rouseau