A Christmas Memory - In Over My Head

During THE HOLIDAYS, our tradition is to spend Christmas with Kathleen's family at her sister Jane's house in Corpus Christi, TX. Corpus is located on the Gulf of Mexico and typically has a tropical climate. But at that time of year, a brisk cold wind usually blows off the water. The last time we were there, the blustery weather reminded me of a cold, blustery Christmas almost 50 years ago.

I was a "plebe" (freshman) at West Point, and the tradition was that the plebes were not permitted to go home for the holidays. Why this tradition existed, none of us freshmen knew. The best any of us could figure was that that being stuck in that miserable place while everyone else went home to their families would help build our character. As it turned out, there was no reason. It was just a tradition, and my class, USMA 1967, was the last class to have to spend the Christmas holidays at West Point.

I recall walking the halls of my barracks, when I walked past the room of my classmate Dave Horton. Dave was a back-up quarterback on the Army football team. Dave was sitting at his desk, mindlessly tossing a football up and down. "What's up, Dave?"

"Nothing's up. I'm just sitting here wanting to throw the football and there's no one to throw it to."

"Why don't you throw it to me? I'll catch for you." I don't know why I said that. I was feeling down in the dumps myself and maybe I was just trying to cheer Dave up.

Dave grinned. "Get your jacket on."

We went out to The Plain, which is the massive parade grounds in front of the barracks.

I thought it would be a good idea to be honest. "I've never done this before, Dave. You'll have to tell me what to do."

He looked at me. "Okay. It's actually pretty simple. You'll run a simple pass pattern and I'll throw the ball to you. Just get set over there and when I say 'Hut!' you take off running hard. Your first step is with your left foot. Then count to six. When you hit six, turn hard to the left, pivoting on your right foot. When you take that second step, the ball will be right there."

I ran the pattern a couple times to get the feel of it.

"You ready?"

I gave him an enthusiastic nod and got into the ready position.

"Hut!" he shouted.

I took off running and counting. On six, I pivoted on my right foot. On the second step I looked up and the ball was right in front of my face. It flew past me.

"Wow!" I said.

"You've got to get your hands up. I throw it before you make your turn. The ball will meet your hands on the second step. You've got to be ready to catch it."

"Okay. Let's go again." It was freezing outside, but I could feel my body heat under my jacket.

"Hut!" said Dave, and I took off running as fast as I could. I turned, put my hands up, and the ball hit my hands hard and shot through.

The ball was as hard as a rock when it hit my hands and rocketed through. An intense pain radiated through both my fingers."

"Better!" shouted Dave. "Come on, let's try it again. You can do it."

His encouragement was no balm to my hands, but I didn't want to ruin his practice, so we ran the pattern again. And again. When I thought I could take no more pain, I admitted to him that I didn't think I could hold onto the ball. He put his palm next to my palm.

"Your hands are too small," he said. "That's your problem."

I was too short, too slow, and even worse - my hands were too small to run a simple pattern and catch Dave's perfectly thrown passes. To put a fine point on it, I was in over my head as a wide receiver. Thankfully, he suggested we go back to the barracks.

Later in life, I would be in over my head again and again. But something like small hands wouldn't hold me back. I would work harder than the people around me. Probe related areas of knowledge my colleagues had missed. I engaged self-confidence, my work ethic and imagination and persisted until I had created something unprecedented, something of value. In other words, even though I was initially behind the learning curve, I used personal strength to prevail.

Playing catch with Dave all those years ago taught me that sometimes when you're in over your head, your limitations make it impossible to catch up and achieve what you desire.

But most of the time, this isn't true. So when something really matters to you, make a realistic assessment of your abilities and ask yourself if you're willing the pay the price. Faced with a daunting challenge and long odds, most people don't make the commitment. But for those who do, it's a wide-open door of opportunity.

I encourage you to acknowledge the role of personal strengths to achieve difficult challenges. You can realistically assess your own personal strengths. You can even improve these strengths by exercising them more often.

That's why we developed ProStar Coach, the only personal development system in the world designed to help you do that.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength .

Cosmic Reflections - Some Mind-Boggling Facts about Our Sun

When the weather turns cold and the holiday season approaches, the message that courses through our culture is mostly this - buy, buy, buy. Buy this mass produced jewelry; every kiss begins with Kay. Or buy this $50,000 Lexus and put a huge red bow on it to surprise your spouse Christmas morning. These messages are supposed to be charming and inspiring. But to me, they're outrageous.

I'm afraid I'm not with the program. This time of year, I'm more drawn to cosmic realities. Such as the fact that on the 21st of December, in the northern hemisphere the days begin to get longer, promising the approach of warmer weather.

Or on a cold night I'll look up at the stars and try to understand what I'm seeing. Before long, I'll be reminded of certain facts...

For example, the next time you're on a beach, pick up a handful of sand and imagine how many grains of sand you are holding. Now look up and down the beach. Imagine how many grains of sand you can see. Mind-boggling. Now try to imagine how many grains of sand cover the Earth.

FACT: There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on Earth.

FACT: No two stars in the universe are the same. Their size, composition, internal chemistry and physics, and lifespan are determined by the nebula cloud from which they were formed.

You may have heard the saying, "We are made of stars." This happens to be true.

FACT: All the heavy elements, such as carbon and silicon, which are the basis for life, can only be created by the intense gravitational pressure caused by the end-of-life implosion and explosion (supernova) of a very large star.

FACT: Our own star, "The Sun," was formed by an aggregation of the stardust from such a supernova five billion years ago.

FACT: Our sun is a medium-sized star. 93 million miles away, millions of hydrogen bomb explosions happen every second. That's what I said...every second. So why doesn't it just blow itself up? The answer is that the immense gravity of this enormous object holds everything in. About 5 billion years from now, the fuel for all these explosions will be gone, and our star will die. But for now, it's radiating energy like crazy.

As you may know, our sun occasionally forms "sunspots" on its surface. They appear dark because they're relatively cooler than the rest of the sun's surface. Sunspots are associated with intense magnetic activity that erupts as solar flares. Some of these flares are so strong they escape the sun's gravity and blast into outer space. These flares can disrupt communication when they reach Earth. From time to time, these blasts are unusually powerful. Such a blast is called a "coronal mass ejection."

FACT: Coronal mass ejections rocket into space in random directions. It is unlikely - but possible - that one would hit the Earth head-on. But if it did, scientists estimate that the energy would knock out every man-made electronic and electrical device on the planet, including communication satellites. Power stations would be fried. Technologically, human civilization would be knocked back 200 years. It could take decades to restore everything to normal, assuming we survived the chaos and panic.

FACT: Most of the time, over 90% of the typical energy particles from the sun are deflected by Earth's electromagnetic field, which is generated by the movement of molten iron in Earth's hot core. Without this protection, our atmosphere would be stripped away by the constant radiation of this "solar wind."

An example of what can happen is Mars. Billions of years ago, the small iron core of Mars cooled, causing its electromagnetic field to disappear. Almost nothing is left of its atmosphere. The same thing happened to Venus.

Earth's electromagnetic field is what causes compasses to point north. But every 100,000 to 10 million years, the field switches poles. Scientists aren't sure when this will happen again, although the last known switch was nearly 800,000 years ago.

FACT: The poles will switch again someday. Scientists don't know when or how long the switch will take. If that transition isn't instantaneous, our atmosphere will be temporarily unprotected. The ozone layer could be stripped away, our atmosphere would be exposed to the solar wind, and life on Earth would be threatened. Earth could become a biologically dead planet, like Venus and Mars.

GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, DEAR READER...

The fact that you'll live to a maximum of only 100 years means that the chance that you'll be around to suffer any of these catastrophes is infinitesimally small. Woo-hoo! You have a better chance winning the lottery.

Whether you push against your credit limit buying stuff this season, be sure to lift a glass to toast your good fortune - that you are alive during the Golden Age of the cosmos, when stars were still burning brightly, and conditions were still just right for life to flourish on Earth.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2011. Building Personal Strength .

Wayne Dyer's Insight - Change Yourself, Not the World around You

It's amazing to me how many major life issues I've resolved simply by changing my attitudes - the way I look at the things that have been troubling me.

For example, for the longest time I was bugged by Christmas. The gift thing was a biggie. Buying gifts because people expected you to, gifts that people didn't really need or want. Quantity matters. Gift overload. Gift fatigue. I've disliked this ritual, which is fueled mostly by business and the media, a tradition gone terribly wrong.

Wouldn't it be OK if we just skipped all the presents and just spent time with each other? What if we focused on celebrating the birth of Christ, maybe performed acts of charity and giving in the spirit of Christianity? The materialistic aspect of Christmas has really bothered me. The trees, the decorations, the music - after so many years the sameness of it all became tiresome, and the expectations an unwanted burden.

What about some simple Peace on Earth? No way.

Of course this irritation conflicted with the expectations and desires of family. I became the Party Pooper, the jerk with the bad attitude. I wanted to be with family and I wanted them to be happy, but I began to wonder if there were ways to make other plans, so I wouldn't have to endure all the nonsense.

Ultimately, I solved my problem. I realized that the problem wasn't with Christmas or my family's traditions. It was with me - how I thought about it. I realized all this was important to them. For whatever reason, they needed this ritual to be happy. Why they insisted on doing it this way was beside the point.

So i decided to change my attitude. I couldn't make myself enjoy the gift ritual, but I could be happy that they enjoy it. I decided to focus on these thoughts - all of them true...

1. I am happy when my family is happy.

2. They will not be happy without their Christmas rituals.

3. I can spend time with them and express my happiness that they are happy.

4. As I learned in Army Ranger School, "No matter how bad your situation gets, it could always suck worse." The big-deal gift ritual only lasts a few hours - a trivial annoyance in the context of the good times with family.

So I don't struggle with it anymore. Which is a huge relief.

Wayne Dyer is one of the people who helped me focus on changing myself, rather than expecting the world around me to change. And it was surprisingly easy.

There's a lot of wisdom in this brief video clip...



Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Christmas Wish

Christmas weekend has already started. Family have been arriving for the holiday weekend. Even these people who are closest to us live separate lives, and we're unaware of most of their journey. We will be catching up on events. And eating food. And drinking wine.

You can see, I'll be preoccupied with sharing time with the people I care about. I hope you're doing the same thing! That's my Christmas wish for you.

You probably haven't seen my Christmas posts...ENJOY!

Our Poster Cat for Christmas

Christmas Tree Cat

Boost Your Gratitude

Also, I invite you to browse among the 375 articles here on my blog. In a real sense, they are "timeless," in that they aren't linked to my daily life or current events - not old news. Check "Categories" in the right sidebar, click on one that interests you, then scroll until you see something that grabs you.

Enjoy your holidays!

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Tip Clip #7 - How to Boost Your Gratitude

The wonderful things we have, even the most precious things in our lives, can eventually be taken for granted. We just get used to things. They become "the way things are."

But that diminishes our life experience, and it can lead us to make inappropriate decisions about things that are important to us.

I learned an amazingly effective technique for "resetting" your sense of gratitude. I explain it in this video, which I recorded during the holidays.



If something really is precious to you, it should feel that way. Life's better that way.

My wish for you springs from the spirit of the holiday season, but it's beneficial the entire year - Have wonderful experiences with the people you care about.

Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .

Why I Don't Like Fireworks

Christmas and New Year's Day come and go, and then the lighted Christmas tree comes down. My wife Kathleen loves displays of light, including decorated buildings and fireworks.

When we've had winter rain, the fireworks ban is lifted, and people rush to stock up for New Year's Eve. So there's plenty of commotion that night, even out here in the country.

People love fireworks. For most Americans, they are associated with celebration and fun. When a hundred points of light fill the sky along with a big boom, people thrill to the spectacle. They associate the smell of gunpowder with hot dogs and watermelon. Maybe some have patriotic feelings about “the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air.”

For me, though, fireworks aren’t fun or inspiring. My problem is that they remind me of real bullets and real rockets. No disturbing memories, emotions or flashbacks - just different associations.

Since Kathleen enjoys fireworks so much, we go anyway. In 2009 the community Fourth of July fireworks display was canceled because of the drought. But we attended the year before. We arrived early and set up our folding chairs in the park for an unobstructed view of the show. It was the end of a typical Independence Day: hot and sunny weather and families picnicking and setting off fireworks. Lightning flashed in the gray distance, too far away to threaten the celebration.

In the twilight before the show, a young man set off a rocket while a crowd stood around watching. I wondered how much these people had to drink and whether a rocket might accidentally veer and injure someone.

A sudden burst of firecrackers reminded me of my next younger brother. When he was a kid he bought the largest firecrackers he could find and used them to blow up toys. One day he constructed a makeshift cannon from an abandoned piece of sewer pipe. He sealed one end with rocks and mud and stuck it in the ground at an angle. Then he dropped a lighted firecracker down the pipe, followed by a projectile. When the pipe exploded, he was injured by the shrapnel. It was a bad omen. Unfortunately, decades later he died from gunshot wounds in Miami.

The fireworks display was spectacular, though one rocket burst too early and fireballs hit the ground. The grass caught fire, but the emergency crew quickly extinguished it. During the furious climax, a series of loud booms triggered a memory of July 4, 1969, when I was serving in Vietnam. Not far from the village where my advisor team was camped, a small American unit was engaged in a fierce battle. Pinned down by the Viet Cong, the night ambush patrol called for reinforcements. Soon elements of a mechanized infantry battalion rushed to join them. Artillery and gunships pounded the area during the night.

My team watched the battle from a safe distance, about a half-mile away. I thought then that no Fourth of July celebration could ever match this display. The sight and sound of artillery exploding in the night was amazing. Then came "Puff the Magic Dragon," the cargo aircraft outfitted with a Vulcan machine gun mounted in its open side door. As the plane circled the battle area, the gun rained hundreds of large-caliber bullets per minute into the ground with a ferocious growl of anger and death. Tracer rounds created a visible river of fire. After about two hours of this, the unit withdrew and the night was quiet. The next day, I sent a patrol to assess the damage. All the structures and the livestock in the tiny village were destroyed. They found no human bodies, however. I assumed that the villagers fled before the devastation.

So that's the deal. Fireworks don't do anything for me. I’d rather watch a display of lightning any day.

Christmas Tree Cat

A kitty who dares to enjoy Christmas. He's ba-a-ad!

 

I hope you're enjoying Christmas, too.

Happy Holidays from Our "Poster-Cat for Christmas"

We have three cats. Harry is a 20-year-old all-black cat. Max, a large brown tabby, is eleven years old. The youngest is Ernest, an eight-year-old orange Tabby. We still call him "The Baby."

Somehow, beginning with his first year with us, Ernest managed to star in most of the Christmas photos. A six-toed cat, he is a descendant of one of the six-toed cats of the Hemingway house in Key West, Florida. Uh, that's why we named him Ernest. He's a prolific communicator, a petting slut, and the most playful of the three.

And, I almost forgot, charismatic in front of a camera. Here's Ernest among the packages, Christmas 2002.

This was taken the other day for Christmas 2009.

In this one, Ernest sends the message, "Peace on Earth." For visitors who love cats, here's a cat-poem Lisa Monet sent me with her Christmas greeting:

Lurk low, leap high,
Hunt brave, hide shy,
Blink warm, stare cold,
Play young, yawn old,
Crouch short, strut tall,
Act big, sleep small.

Peace on Earth - Relaxing "Sounds of Silence"

"Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men..." I hear this a lot during the holiday season, but it rarely seems peaceful this time of year. But we really do need the peace, we need to relax...

This video worked for me. The music comes from Simon and Garfunkel's "Sounds of Silence," a huge hit back in the amazing year of 1969. I was living in a bunker in Vietnam, and my sergeant loved this song, played it over and over again. I heard it at least 30 times a day. In later years, I'd have anxious memories when hearing the song. But now, 40 years later, this video is VERY relaxing.



Enjoy...feel free to come back, "make yourself to home," and listen as often as you need to during the holidays!

Generosity - Wisdom of the Ages for Our Time

Here we are, in the season of giving. Some thoughts...

"It is more blessed to give than to receive." - Jesus Christ

“You are forgiven for your happiness and your successes only if you generously consent to share them.” - Albert Camus

“Even when you’re really needy, you’ve got to give more than you receive.” - Christopher Reeve

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." - Mother Teresa

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.” - Lao Tzu

  
Give with your heart, and hearts will reach out to you. May your generosity bring you joy.