I have recurring dreams about being in places where everyone knows what's going on but me. Everyone has all their stuff but me. No matter how hard I try, I can't find my stuff. On and on until the end of the dream.
So for a split second, I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or awake. This was not a nightmare, however. It was an old lady with a wry grin, and she was wheeling her cart towards me. Who was she? I wasn't at home watching the game, that’s for sure, and I didn’t have a clue who she was.
"The game is over," I offered in my own defense. Then I remembered. I was still wearing my navy blue sweatshirt with the word DUKE on the front in big white letters.
"My husband went to Virginia."
I had just finished watching Duke beat Virginia in the first round of the ACC tournament, so I offered, "Virginia played very well. They were only three points behind in the second half. Then Duke pulled away. Did you see the game?"
"No, I was doing volunteer work at the hospice."
I said nothing. But I was thinking, Why am I having this conversation? Who is this woman? Who are these people who walk up to total strangers and start talking to you, making cracks and picking up threads of old conversation as if you were a lifelong friend of the family? What am I supposed to say?
Once I realized that she was just a nice, friendly, outgoing lady, I kicked in with my two minutes of benign small talk so I could continue my forward progress towards the yogurt section.
I would never walk up to a total stranger like that and start up friendly conversation. It's just not who I am. I don't see the point in it, and I'm not comfortable doing it. But I recognize that the world is a rainbow of personalities, and many people are very outgoing. She's not the first total stranger to come up to me and start talking to me as if we were old friends.
The incident reminded me about the importance of accepting people for who they are, while tolerating and making use of the differences. One of the most important things I've learned about life is that people are a lot more different on the inside than they appear to be on the outside. And the differences between us are the good news, not the bad news. It's lovely that she's the way she is, and it's wonderful that I'm the way I am. Her over-the-top extroversion is just a part of who she is, while my way is to analyze everything before I say a word. Two very different people.
Maybe I should have taken off my sweatshirt after the game.
Post by Dennis E. Coates, Ph.D., , Copyright 2010. Building Personal Strength .
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